Gob: What do you use for misdirection?
Lindsay: Misdirection?
Gob: Yeah, I mean if you're so good at magic, what did you have them looking at to divert their attention?
Lindsay: I don't know. My ass.
Gob: My ass. You're lying.

Michael, it was shoplifting, and I'm white. I think I'm going to be ok.

All your water's doing is whetting my appetite for protest. No hair for oil! No hair for oil!

Lindsay: I'm protesting the war. There's a war going on, you know.
Maeby: Yeah. I'm the one who told you, and you said it happened ten years ago.

Michael: Well, this money is for land, okay? We're not going to burn through it like Dad did when he was in charge with his bad investments and his corrupt dealings ... Mother's neck ...
Lindsay: No, that was a good investment.
Michael: It is easier to look at now, isn't it?

Tobias: Well, Lindsay, could you use it over there? I'm trying to grow.
Lindsay: Yeah. Well, it's clear that's not going to happen.

Michael: I thought Zenotab was supposed to make everything a little bit better.
Lindsay: For fifteen minutes. Then, it burns when you pee and your marriage goes to hell.

I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar.

Lindsay: Speaking of which, have we gotten anything from Nana?
Michael: Buster got a perforated heart and Gob got that receding hairline, but you and I pretty much dodged the bullet.

Lindsay: Where's Nana?
Lucille: I sent her on a wonderful cruise. You just missed a wonderful call from her. She just came back from a wonderful costume party that the captain threw. She gained ten pounds, there's so much food on that boat. She's up to 74.

Lindsay: Ok, I tell you what. I'll take you down to see Nana if you split the money with me 60-40.
Maeby: 55-55.
Lindsay: Deal.
Michael: Sounds like you guys are getting more than you think.

Lindsay: I've always been very passionate about the separation of church and state.
Michael: What are you going to do with them?
Lindsay: Oh, I don't know. Give them to a school.

Arrested Development Quotes

Gob: Take off your glasses. Oh ... Wait, wait. Let down your hair. No, glasses on, hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Let me turn the lights off.
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How's that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door.

Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.