Lloyd: I'm family too, aren't I?
Ari: You'll always be the gay son I never wanted, yes Lloyd.
Lloyd: But what will happen to me without you?
Ari: You will shine, Lloyd.
Lloyd: How? You are my inspiration, Ari. I'm still learning to be more like you.
Ari: No, you're not like me and you don't want to be. You're fair and honest and you don't like women.
Lloyd: I just wish you two were together. Because you're like the perfect couple. Like Lady Di and Charles.
Ari: Lady Di and Charles got divorced and then she died. Now shut the f*ck up.
Lloyd: Ari, you haven't had any time for anything since...
Ari: Since what?
Lloyd: Since the s-e-p-a-r-a-t-i-o-n.
Jonah: I can spell separation, you know.
Ari: Get out. And don't ever spell in front of my son again. He's s-m-a-r-t-e-r than you.
I always imagined a double teaming would be more fun than that.
Lloyd [about the dog]: Isn't he delicious?
Ari: Find something else to cook for dinner. Jessica is taking him.
Lloyd: Feels like old times.
Ari: You want a demotion?
I've seen everything from "Viking Quest" to the "New New Love Boat." You were a tremendous yougn Merrill Stubing.Lloyd [to Drama]
Lloyd: ...but you'd have to test with the network
Drama: How many other people are testing?
Lloyd: They have no one else right now
Drama: I like those odds
Lloyd: I'm sorry you feel that way, Ari
Ari: You're sorry, Lloyd? you have no idea how sorry you'll be. I'm going to destroy you. I am going to erode every fiber of your spirit. You know longer exist. You are dead with me and the town will know. Anyone meeting with you, speaking to you, or even nodding to you on the street will be dead as well. So die, Lloyd. Die, die, die! And when you're gagging on Davies' balls, I want you to bite down so he dies too!
This is not The Breakfast Club, Mr Gold! This is my life!
Ari: Get [Adam Davies] on the phone and Zac too.
Lloyd: Zac who?
Ari: Zac who you don't get to know his name because you are a peasant. [Shows Zac Efron's phone number]
Lloyd: Oh good god. Abs alert!
Ari: Don't whack off to the sound of his voice. Chop chop!
Ari: Now take a good look at [Andrew]. Alright. Now what do you see in him, that you don't see in yourself?
Lloyd: I don't know...
Ari: A purpose. Now call your mother and tell her you don't have one