What do we do? She's going to tell Michael. And he won't hear the good stuff, he'll just hear about the beating.
Tobias: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie.
Lucille: Those are illegal!
Gob: Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.
It's probably because a seal bit off his hand. The army has taken to giving medals for being food.
Lucille: He's just jealous that I have a man back in my life. And guess what else is back?
Michael: My breakfast?
Lucille: My friskiness. Mama horny, Michael.
Michael: No, it's my breakfast.
Buster: Mother, have you seen my rubber hand?
Lucille: It's in the dishwasher. Your father and I were using it for something.
Buster: Oh for God's sake! Can't you keep my hand to yourself?
Michael: I'm amazed Dad hasn't strangled himself with his belt yet.
Lucille: Oh, we're into all kinds of freaky stuff.
Michael: Why do I eat breakfast before I come here?
(Driving to the cabin to escape Buster's snoring, Lucille discovers he's asleep in the back seat)
Lucille: Ooh, come on!
Lucille: What the hell are you doing back there?
Buster: I decided to sleep in the car so my snoring wouldn't bother you. And I left that recording of my snoring so you wouldn't know I'm gone.
Lucille: We're halfway to the cabin, I'm gonna drop you by this light.
Michael: Maybe you can bring a date to the cabin.
Lucille: I don't want anybody to go inside that musty claptrap.
Michael: ... Oh, the cabin!
Michael: You seem more villainous than usual, Mom. Are you sober?
Lucille: Michael, it's 8 AM!
Michael: So, it's not that.
Lucille: Apparently, mood altering medication leads to street drugs. That's what this very handsome young doctor said on The Today Show.
Michael: That was Tom Cruise, the actor.
Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist.
Lucille: I just went off my post-partum depression medication.
Michael: You're still taking that? You had Buster thirty-two years ago.
Lucille: And that's how long I've been depressed about it.
Michael: Go ahead and tell Gob that I'll be telling the cops that it was him in the truck so he'll be joining me here. I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it.
Lucille: You'd do that to your own brother?
Michael: I said "cot".