Favorite Luke Danes Quotes
Lorelai: I had a plan, damn it.
Luke: Me, too. Next time you're getting tea.
Kirk: Hello? How 'bout that coffee?
Lorelai: I got it.
Luke: Thanks.
Kirk: But, but mine's a quarter caf.
Lorelai: Huh?
Kirk: Three-fourths decaf, one-fourth caffeinated.
Lorelai: I four-fourths don't care.
Kirk: Fill it up.
Tradition is a trap. It allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing.
Rory: Where should the poached eggs go?
Luke: Crank in the hat.
Sy: Hey, I'm not a crank! You're a crank, crank!
Rory: He is a crank.
Luke: C'mon, you gotta think positive here. Bright side, good thoughts. Rainbows, unicorns. (slowing down) Clowns. (pause) Little ... cute ... (longer pause) ... furry ... (giving up) Okay, I'm out.
Lorelai: Thank God.
Lorelai: I don't know what is wrong with me. This is a beautiful festival. People should be enjoying it.
Luke: It's a crazy festival based on a nutty myth about two lunatics who in all probability did not even exist and even if they did probably dropped dead of diphtheria before age 24. The town of Stars Hollow probably got its name from a local dance hall prostitute or two rich drunk guys who made up the story to make it look good on a poster.
Lorelai:: You are full of hate and loathing and I got tell you, I love it!
Luke: It's so good to have someone to share this hate with.
Lorelai: My pleasure.
Luke: More coffee?
Lorelai: Yeah, please. Hey, tomorrow, if you have time, I'm planning on despising everyone who says, "Hey, how's it going?"
Luke: You're on.
(A young woman walks in and greets Luke)
Woman: Hey, how's it going?
Lorelai: Oh, now, that's just too easy.
(Luke turns and sees that it's Rachel standing there)
Luke: Rachel?
Lorelai: (to Luke) Rachel? Your Rachel?
(Lorelai turns around to face her)
Lorelai: You're Rachel?
Rachel: Yep, I'm Rachel.
Luke: I forgot my toolbox, so I just thought I'd come pick it up.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah. It's right over here. Rory and I couldn't lift it or we would've brought it to you, and then we got used to having it here, so we named it Bert, and we'd say, "Good night, Bert," and it'd say, "Good night girls," and--we spend too much time home alone.
Crazy people. The whole town should be medicated and put in a rec room with ping-pong tables and hand puppets.
</i> Luke
Luke: (needing to leave so he can make further arrangements for a relative's funeral) I have to close up. Lorelai: No, you don't, you're covered. Luke: You don't have to do this! Lorelai: We don't mind, go! It'll give me a chance to number all the tables. Luke: (amused, appreciatively) Be my guest. Lorelai: Also, are they arranged like this for any particular reason? Luke: (gruffly) Don't change anything! Lorelai: It's totally not Feng Shui!
Luke: I had any interesting call today, want to know who it was from?
Jess: Not really.
Luke: It was from Taylor Doose, you know, he owns the market.
Jess: If you say so.
Luke: He said you came in today.
Jess: He did?
Luke: And he said you took some money out of a little donation cup to help repair the bridge. I told him he was crazy, you wouldn't do that, you weren't a thief, that he was just trying to start trouble. Then I hung up on him. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy hanging up on Taylor and he is crazy. But I was just wondering if maybe any of the other things he said were true.
Jess: What do you think?
Luke: I think that if you tell me that what he's saying is not true, I'm gonna believe it.
Jess: Okay, it's not true.
Luke: That doesn't sound very convincing.
Jess: What exactly do you want from me? You bring me here to this place, you put me in a school that says the Pledge of Allegiance in six different languages, two of which I've never heard of before. You take me away from my home, my friends, and now you want what from me?
Luke: I'm trying to help you!
Jess: Well stop trying! Stop following me, stop talking to me, stop asking me questions! Just stop!
Luke: That's what you want?
Jess: Yes.
Luke: That's really what you want?
Jess: Yes!
Luke: You got it.
Jess: Thank you!
Luke: You're welcome!
(As they cross over a bridge, Luke pushes Jess into the water)
Emily: What do you think of the Romanovs?
Luke: They probably had it coming.
Emily: A match made in heaven.
Lorelai: You have a new special.
Luke: I sure do.
Lorelai: Nice. What is the special omelet?
Luke: You won't like it.
Lorelai: How do you know?
Luke: Because you've been eating here for years and I know what you like, and you won't like it.
Lorelai: Can I at least hear what it is?
Luke: Fine. It's three eggs with bits of bacon.
Lorelai: I like bacon.
Luke: Cubed tomatoes.
Lorelai: Sounds good.
Luke: Swiss cheese and a dash of oregano.
Lorelai: A dash, he says.
Luke: I've got other customers here.
Lorelai: I'm gonna go with the special omelet.
Luke: Okay.
Lorelai: With a side of bacon.
Luke: There's bacon in the omelet.
Lorelai: Oh, then skip the bacon.
Luke: The side of bacon?
Lorelai: The bacon in the omelet.
Luke: Hold the bacon.
Lorelai: Can I get Jack cheese?
Luke: On the side?
Lorelai: Instead of Swiss, Swiss is so stringy.
Luke: Fine, Jack cheese.
Lorelai: Also, I think I'm allergic to oregano so hold that, too, and some coffee.
Luke: So, just the eggs, tomatoes, and Jack cheese.
Lorelai: Not too many tomatoes.
Luke: Light on the tomatoes.
Lorelai: Very light, just a teeny-tiny amount, practically none.
Luke: I'm skipping the tomatoes. It's an omelet with Jack cheese.
Lorelai: Perfect.
Luke: You did this on purpose.
Lorelai: Did what?
Rory: French toast for me. (to Lorelai) That was cruel.
