The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXMarge Simpson Quotes
Dr. Monroe: The pig has made you into his mother. You are not the hot love object you deserve to be.
Marge: Really?
Dr. Monroe: I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying. Marge, tonight, the second he comes through that front door, you've got to tell him you're fed up, and if he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving.
Marge: Leave Homer?
Dr. Monroe: Please, don't use his real name!
Marge: Leave Pedro?
Marge: Hello. I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe
Radio Show Producer: First name, age, problem?
Marge: I'm Marge, 34, and my problem's my husband. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't appreciate me, I don't know how much more of this I can--
Radio Show Producer: Hey, lady, save your whining for when you're on the air, okay?
Homer: Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright.
Marge: Oh, Homer, don't say that. The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.
Marge: Oh, my! All this senseless violence. I don't understand its appeal.
Bart: We don't expect you to, Mom.
Lisa: If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.
Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible. I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider...deportation.
Marge: Deportation? You mean kick Bart out of the country?
Homer: Eh, hear him out, Marge.
Marge: Homer, I'd love a glass of that wine Bart brought us.
(Homer struggles with the wine bottle.)
Homer: Sorry, Marge. Some wise guy stuck a cork in the bottle.
Bart: (Speaking French) My father. What a buffoon.
Homer: You hear that, Marge? My boy speaks French!
(Principal Skinner pays a visit to the Simpson home.)
Marge: Homer, Principal Skinner is here.
Homer: Oh, hello, Principal Skinner. I'd get up, but the boy crippled me.
Skinner: Mm-hmm. I understand completely.
(Principal Skinner tries to convince Marge and Homer to place Bart in the student exchange program.)
Principal Skinner: Actually, he'd be staying in France, in a lovely chateau in the heart of the wine country.
Marge: But Bart doesn't speak French.
Principal Skinner: Oh, when he's fully immersed in a foreign language, the average child can become fluent in weeks!
Homer: Yeah, but what about Bart?
Principal Skinner: I'm sure he'll pick up enough to get by.
(Bart likes the idea of becoming an exchange student in France.)
Bart: And I'd get to take a plane there, wouldn't I, Mom?
Marge: Yes, Bart.
Bart: Wow! And one back?
(Adil clears the dishes after dinner.)
Homer: Did you see that? You know, Marge, this the way I've always wanted it to be. We've become a fully functioning family unit. We've always blamed ourselves, but I guess it's pretty clear which cylinder wasn't firing.
Marge: Homer!
Lisa: Your paper-thin commitment to your children sends shivers down my spine! May I be excused?
(Lisa gets up and leaves.)
Marge: Lisa!
Homer: Oh, she's just jealous. She'll get over it. And if she doesn't, we can always exchange her. (Laughs)
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Just kidding!
Barney: If you get hungry in the middle of the night, there's an open beer in the fridge.
(Homer gazes out of Barney's window.)
Homer: Look, Barney. See the row of tiny lights up there? The middle one is my house. Someone must have left the porch light on.
Barney: Hey, that's rough, pal. (Dials phone) Hello, Marge. You left your damn porch light on!
Homer: Barney!
Barney: Homer's not made of money, you know!
Marge: Who is this?
(Homer takes the phone away from Barney.)
Homer: Don't listen to him, Marge. He's--
Marge: Oh, it's you. Hmph. (Hangs up phone.)
Homer: Oh
Marge: Homer, you don't even know why you're apologizing.
Homer: Yes, I do. Because I'm hungry, my clothes are smelly, and I'm tired.
