Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

Why is Ellen DeGeneres in our bedroom?

Barney: ...a hug is just like a public dry hump
Marshall: I think you're hugging wrong

Gael: Gael.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?
Gael: Gael.
Barney: ...Kyle?
Gael: Gael.
Marshall: ...Girl?
Robin: It's pronounced Guy-el.
Gael: It means joyful. That is why I live my life joyfully, and give to others. Especially those less fortunate than I.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?

Marshall: Just a Burger? Just a burger. Robin, it's so much more than "just a burger." I mean...that first bite—oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below, flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. And then...a pickle! The most playful little pickle! Then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce and a...a patty of ground beef so exquisite, swirling in your mouth, breaking apart, and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savor so delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread, Robin. This is God, speaking to us in food.
Lily: And you got our wedding vows off the Internet!?

Ted: I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily: the night you met, your first date, other first things...
Marshall: Huh-uh-uh, yeah, sorry, we thought you were asleep.
Ted: It's physics Marshall, if the bottom bunk moves the top bunk moves too

Lily: Whoa, wait. A big package just arrived.
Marshall: Yeah it did!
Lily: No it's a real package, from your dad.
Marshall: Well that's a little weird, but yeah it is!

Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest things in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one. I'm sorry

Stella hated Star Wars! She lied to you. Search your feelings, Ted. You know it to be true

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