Ted: That's weird, I have a message.
Marshall: That's weird, you still have an answering machine.

Nobody wakes up and says "today I'm going to star in a YouTube video!"

Looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees.

Marshall: Oh you're wearing a flower.
Barney: Thank You!
Marshall: I didn't compliment, just observed.

Oh that's super interesting but you have a small penis.

Lily: We're doing it a lot.
Marshall: And everywhere. The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your waiting - the kitchen.

Ted: Marshall...you up for some super-loud repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90's?
Marshall: Um...only always

It's not that the wings are too hot, it's that I already had wings earlier. Much earlier.

Old Marshall

Marshall: Ted, I love you buddy, but there is no way you can pull off blonde.
Lily: Seriously, Ted, don't do it.
Ted: I'm going blonde!
Lily: Awwww.
Marshall: That is NOT the outcome we were hoping for.

Ted, I don't want to swear in front of Korean Elvis, but what the bleep are you doing, dude?

Backgammon sucks. I took the only good part of backgammon, the gammon, and I left the rest of it in the trash where it belongs

Marshall

Ted: They're killing each other!
Lily: They love each other.
Ted: Barney and Robin love each other, but they're not Barney and Robin anymore. They're the fat guy and the old lady.
Marshall: My favorite '70s detective show!

HIMYM Quotes

Think of me like Yoda but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro - I'm Broda!

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney