Lily: When you said you were about to get reamed?
Marshall: Oh right that. No, sometimes for fun, we throw reams of paper at each other. Bernard! Not a good time! Read the room!

Robin: Marshall it doesn't matter. Cause you'd lose anyway and you know why? Cause I'm Sparkles bitch!
Marshall: Oh and you think you can to me? You think you could step up to the streets? To me? You think you could step up, over me, to the streets?

You're killing me Lily! You're killing me! You have to let me dance my own battles!

Robin: He's looking for Lily. Should I give him her number?
Marshall: Yeah we've already discussed it. It's four million dollars cash.

Ted: That's weird, I have a message.
Marshall: That's weird, you still have an answering machine.

Lily: I am so happy right now.
Marshall: I want to see her throw her life away so badly.
Ted: We're all terrible people. Turn it up.

Lily: Okay but hurry, or I'm gonna start doing number eleven on my own.
Marshall: You can do that by yourself?
Lily: Pilates bitch!

Ted: I need to grow up. Oh by the way I'm breaking a jinx swear here so don't tell Barney or he gets to whack me in the nuts three times with a whiffle ball bat.
Marshall: Sure, pretty standard.

Ted: Barney, or should I say Borrowney?
Marshall: You should never say that.

Judge 1: Thank you Mr. Eriksen. The panel will take this under advisement.
Marshall: Take your time.
Judge 2: It could be a few months.
Marshall: Better tell my wife then I won't be home for dinner.
Judge 2: Get out!

Okay that's ridiculous! Is Nick a genius? No. But does he have average intelligence? No! But he is a human being with a heart!

Lily: Look Ted, it gets exhausting constantly giving people advice they haven't asked for, so I'm training Marshall
Marshall: My goal is to eventually say things that are so sassy and wise, that there is no possible response other than Mm or Mmhm. And if this is a place where we can share our dreams, I like to think that it is, I hope someday, to earn a...testify!

HIMYM Quotes

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."

Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here.

Ted