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The name is Bond...Santa Bond. I'll have an eggnog, shaken not stirred.

Thank you Scranton Strangler. I love you. You just took one more person's breath away.

Toby: Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.
Michael: That was the worst joke ever.

Toby: I just wanted to let you know that I'll be taking a leave of absence starting next week.
Michael: Oh because you've been on the lam? Because the boring police have been after you? And they finally caught up with you?

Jim: Haven't you noticed that I don't bring up the Tour de France around him?
Michael: Yes!

So, where were we before I bested Oscar?

Erin: What if we all get together and help each other and hire a new guy, and then we all kill him, but first we take out like a hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy? I bet you guys like that idea, don't you?...I think that's what they're doing to me. I can't prove it but I wanted to see their faces when I said it. I learned nothing.
Michael: I don't know what the f*ck that w

Oscar is my Queen. That's easy, give me a hard one - that's what Oscar said.

Toby is the instruction card you throw away.

Moving backwards, our IT guys have been Glasses, Turban, Ear Hair, Fatty 3, Shorts, Fatty 2, Lozenge, and Fatso.

If you break that girl's heart I will kill you. That's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart I will literally kill you and your entire family.

Gabe: Michael, you are making this harder than it has to be.
Michael: That's what she said.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 1014 in total

The Office Quotes

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.

Dwight

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael