Miranda Hobbes Quotes
Carrie: Oh, look we've all been there.
Miranda: That's for sure. I was once with a guy the size of those little miniature golf pencils, I couldn't tell if he was trying to fuck me or erase me.
(Carrie starts laughing and Samantha begins to cry)
Carrie: I'm sorry...it's just...it's funny.
Miranda: Let's not lose perspective here, there are ways to work around this.
Samantha: Well, I don't wanna work around it. I love a big dick, I love it inside of me, I love looking at it, I love everything about it. When I blow him, it's like, shrugs shoulders.....nothing
Miranda: Well, can you talk to him about it?
Samantha: It's the only thing we can't talk about.
Charlotte: How is he with his tongue?
Charlotte: So, which church does his mother go to?
Carrie: Park Avenue Presbyterian.
Charlotte: Good church! It's one of the best on the East Side!
Carrie: What? Are you rating churches? Is there a Zagat guide for that?
Miranda: Four stars. Great bread. Disappointing wine selection.
Miranda: You wanna spend the night?
Skipper: The night, the whole night?
Miranda: Yea, the whole night.
Skipper: I knew we'd get back together.
Miranda: You did?
Skipper: Yep! Every night I'd light a candle and say a little pray.
Miranda: You're a freak!
Carrie: So you think the water serves as a retro baptism kind of thing?
Miranda: Beats me! If I'd known he was Catholic I never would've have gone out with him in the first place. They should make him wear a sign.
Miranda: He goes to church with his mother? That can't be good.
Charlotte: Oh don't listen to her. A man who cares about his mother makes a wonderful husband.
Carrie: I think it's sweet.
Miranda: Sure, all religions are sweet, till you get to that shower-after-sex phase.
Charlotte: Oh my God! Is he still doing that?
Miranda: Please, it's amazing he has any skin left.
Carrie: Well, have you tried taking a shower with him?
Miranda: No! I'm afraid he'll pull out a garlic and a cross.
Samantha: Ladies, I have an announcement, but, please, don't laugh.
Miranda: What?
Samantha: I'm in love.
Miranda: What?
Carrie: Samantha, uttering those words to us, was an event as unfathomable as Moses parting the Red Sea.
Samantha: I owe it all to Charlotte.
Charlotte: Me, what did I do?
Samantha: All that bull shit you spout about not sleeping with men right away, actually, paid off. I mean if I'd fucked James already, who knows where we'd be......
Miranda: Wait, you haven't had sex yet?
Samantha: Soon. You know, I think he is someone I can actually marry.
the women are spying on Carrie's neighbours having sex
Charlotte: It never goes down does it? Look it's still....
Samantha: Hard.
Charlotte: Yeah.
Samantha: Gummy bear please. Give me the fucking candy.
Carrie: Hey, snapping over gummy bears might be a sign that celibacy is not for you.
Samantha: All I can say is that, my big payoff better be worth it.
Miranda: Samantha, I don't understand you, there are people out there starving and your fasting.
Miranda: Three times? Try three months.
Carrie: No?
Miranda: Yes. Now would be a good time to wipe that horrible look off your face.
Carrie: I'm sorry sweetie, I just, I didn't know. Where have I been?
Miranda: You've been having sex. I've been at Blockbuster renting videos. It's tragic. I'm like two rentals away from a free pound of gummy bears.
Carrie: Relax, you're just in a dry spell.
Miranda: I can't believe you just said that. You're all freaked out about three times. I'm talking three months.
Carrie: I farted. I farted in front of my boyfriend...
Miranda: And?
Carrie: And we're no longer having sex. And he thinks of me as one of the boys. And I'm gonna have to move to another city where the shame of this won't follow me.
Miranda: You farted, you're human.
Carrie: I don't want him to know that.
Carrie: Is it normal to be in the same bed and not do it?
Miranda: I guess, it depends on what's normal for you?
Carrie: Oh God, I hate that. Who am I to know what's normal? I've been dating a hundred years. I haven't a clue.
Miranda: Well, three months is not normal for me. One month was interesting. Two months was numbing. Three months, I'm going out of my mind.
