Mr. Mackey Quotes
Season 16, Episode 13: "A Scause for Applause"
Mr. Mackey: I don't know what to believe in any more, mmkay!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 16, Episode 10: "Insecurity"
Sergeant Yates: I know you're all worried about your family's security. All I can tell you is that so far Bane has not been caught.
Mr. Mackey: What are we supposed to do? I mean, if Bane is out there on the loose, then none of us are safe. And one Bane's bad enough, but apparently we've got like, like seven Banes, mmkay?
• Rating: Unrated
Season 14, Episode 10: "Insheeption"
Mr. Mackey: If you throw that away, I will rape you in the mouth.
• Rating: 4.9 / 5.0
Season 5, Episode 13: "Kenny Dies"
Principal: Hello, boys.
Stan: Wait, what's going on here?
Kyle: Alright look, we don't know for sure why Cartman is ditching school, but it has something to do with abortions.That's all we know.
Mr. Mackey: You didn't do anything wrong, boys; We just need to talk to you. Have a seat.
(Stan and Kyle sit down)
Mr. Mackey: Well boys, your little friend, Kenny, went to the hospital last night, m'kay? And well...he's pretty sick.
Kyle: Kenny's sick?
Stan: Well, how sick?
Chef: Children, Kenny has been diagnosed with a terminal disease.
Stan: But the doctor's are gonna make him better, right?
Sharon: Oh, dear.
Stan But mom, that's what hospitals are for, they can make him better.
Sharon: Oh, Randy.
Randy: They don't think so, Stanley. Your friend is terminally ill, and that means--well son...that means he's gonna be going to Heaven soon.
Kyle: Wait, Kenny's going to die?
Gerald: He might, Kyle.
Stan: But he's our f-f-friend.
Mr. Mackey: We know, and that's why he's going to need you boys to be strong for him, m'kay? He needs you now, more then ever.
Stan: No! This can't happen! Kenny can't die! Kenny can't die!
(Stan begins sobbing into his dad's shoulder)
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 10: "How to Eat with Your Butt"
Mr. Mackey: (to Cartman) But you know, if you have completely lost your sense of humor, you can always become a writer for the show, Friends. (laughs)
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Mr. Mackey: Well, what did you used to think was funny?
Cartman: You know, all the usual stuff. Dirty jokes, funny movies, seeing someone die. This morning, I even saw a little girl get her fingers caught in a car door and I couldn't laugh. I mean I, I knew it was funny, but I couldn't laugh.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 7: "Proper Condom Use"
[Mr. Mackey doesn't know about sex]
Stan: Dude, haven't you ever had intercourse, Mr. Mackey?
Mr. Mackey: Well, sure I have! It's just I was about 19 at the time, so it's been about 21 years, m'kay. Let's see, uh, I'm pretty sure I took the -. Yeah I took the penis, and I but what the hell did I do with that damned thing?
• Rating: Unrated
Mr. Mackey: Penis or vagina! Right, oral sex. Mmkay.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 15: "Fat Camp"
Mr. Mackey: Now Eric, all these people came here and paid to send you to camp because they care about you.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah except for me, I just wanted to see the look on your face when we told you.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 13: "Helen Keller! The Musical"
Mr. Mackey: Every year the fourth graders do "The Miracle Worker", and every year we have to sit and watch it.
Principal Victoria: Yeah, I swore that if I had to see it one more time I'd put a bullet in my head. But luckily, I got really stoned before I came.
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 36