South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Nurse: Hey, look who's here.
Kenny: Stan??
Woman: Hello, Kenny, I'm Laura Jones.
Bob: We're with the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Ms. McCormick: Oh, Kenny isn't that nice?
Kenny: The Make-A-Wish Foundation?
Laura: We travel the country giving special little boys and girls like you their biggest wish.
Kyle: Neat, huh Kenny?
Kenny: Yes.
Laura: So Kenny, if you could have ONE wish, what would it be?
Bob: What's your wish, pal?
Kenny: I guess the only thing I wish is to not die.
Laura: What did he say?
Kyle: He said his wish is not to die.
Laura: Okay, and, what if you're gonna have two wishes. What would the second one be?
Bob: I know! I bet you wanna meet Madonna, huh?
(Kenny says something)
Bob: W-what was that?
Kyle: He said Madonna is an old anorexic whore, who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent, she thinks she can play guitar and she should go f*** herself.
Madonna: Should I come in now?
Bob: Uh, no not quite yet.

Yeah, why just this afternoon our son was caught beating off our dog.

Mrs. McCormick: Yes, Kenny such a great name, my little Kenny, a brand new Kenny.
Mr. McCormick: God, this must be the fiftieth time this has happened.
Mrs. McCormick: Fifty-second.

(after Kenny hits his dad intentionally with a baseball)
Mrs. McCormick: What happened?
Mr. McCormick: He smacked me in the balls!

(Kenny is holding a plunger above his head and staring angrily at his mother)
Mrs. McCormick: Oh, hi Kenny. What are you doing?
(Camera pans back to angry plunger-holding Kenny)
Mrs. McCormick: Wh-What are you doin' Kenny?
(Camera pan)
Mrs. McCormick: Kenny..What are you goin' to plunge?

Mr. McCormick: Kenny, wasn't that your fat, racist, foul-mouthed friend Eric Cartman?
Kenny: Mmm, Hmm.

Cartman: (while at Kenny's house) Where is the Nintendo?
Mr. McCormick: We don't have a Nintendo. We got a Coleco Vision plugged into the black and white TV.
Kyle: Oh my God, this is like a third-world country.

(saying grace) Lord, we thank you for this staggering payload of frozen waffles you have bestowed upon us. And since we have been faithful to you, we know you will send us some good fortune, one of these days, even though you sure as hell seem to be taking your sweet time. Amen.

That ain't why, Stuart! It's because you are an alcoholic retard and he has dreams of not eating frozen waffles for dinner every night!

Mrs. McCormick

Mr. McCormick: Hey! Is it my fault you don't know how to cook!
Mrs. McCormick: What am I supposed to do with frozen waffles, clamhead, you put 'em in the toaster and you cook 'em.
Mr. McCormick: You just don't know how to use spices and stuff.

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South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman