He's a hero all right, a hero sandwich full of bologna!

Maude: My bladder's going to burst.
Ned: Now I know you've had a few too many waters, but that is no reason for the sailor talk.

Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.

That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I'm going to call you kettle corn.

Edna: I know you feel guilty about coldcocking Homer.
Ned: Please don't use that word in bed.

Ned: Come on Homer, I'm insisting on a fisting.
Smithers: What's this about a fisting?

Ned: Homer, I can't believe you're partaking with my parents.
Homer: Yeah, it's medicinal; we had a pain in our neck!

Ned: Well sir, now we'll have an open marriage.
Edna: Um, you do know what that means?
Ned: No, but I"m sure Newt Gingrich wouldn't steer us wrong.

Homer: People here do not respect boundaries.
Ned: Homer, did you just buckle your belt through my loop?

SPORTS stands for Strick Parental Oversight Rather Than Sports

Homer: You're my personal savior.
Ned: Thank you but i don't approve..
Homer: Hail flanders, mightier than jesus

Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.

The Simpsons Quotes

Marge: Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner.
Homer: Tomorrow night? Friday? Pork chop night? Marge! We haven't missed pork chop night since the great pig scare in '87!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart