He's a hero all right, a hero sandwich full of bologna!

Maude: My bladder's going to burst.
Ned: Now I know you've had a few too many waters, but that is no reason for the sailor talk.

Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.

That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I'm going to call you kettle corn.

Edna: I know you feel guilty about coldcocking Homer.
Ned: Please don't use that word in bed.

Ned: Come on Homer, I'm insisting on a fisting.
Smithers: What's this about a fisting?

Ned: Homer, I can't believe you're partaking with my parents.
Homer: Yeah, it's medicinal; we had a pain in our neck!

Ned: Well sir, now we'll have an open marriage.
Edna: Um, you do know what that means?
Ned: No, but I"m sure Newt Gingrich wouldn't steer us wrong.

Homer: People here do not respect boundaries.
Ned: Homer, did you just buckle your belt through my loop?

SPORTS stands for Strick Parental Oversight Rather Than Sports

Homer: You're my personal savior.
Ned: Thank you but i don't approve..
Homer: Hail flanders, mightier than jesus

Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.

The Simpsons Quotes

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!

(Squishing an ice cream to his forehead) I'm a unitard!

Ralph