New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl

If I had a dollar for every person I couldn't hang out with because they hate Schmidt, I'd be rich. Like fill my gas tank up all the way rich.

Nick: You can't separate your feelings from sex? So what? You're a girl!
Jess: I deserve to have a shorty on the side!

Jess: I don't want to kiss and tell, but I ruined my dresser during intercourse. Will you go to Ikea with me?
Nick: Yeah, sure. I'm not doing anything today.

Winston: You, my friend, have become her fluffer.
Nick: Like in porn?
Winston: Her emotional fluffer!

Jess: I had the best sex of my life last night.
Nick: Oh so that was you? I thought it was a couple bums fighting.
Jess: It wasn't. It was me. Having sex. I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down. I became a werewolf, I scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie and that I'm a dancer and/or something involving puppets.

Nick: Let's just say, we live in a world where time exists. If that's the case-
Schmidt: 1. Marie Antoinette. 2 Cleopatra 3. Young Ann Margret 4. Old Ann Margret -
Nick: Would you shut up, you clown!

Old Nick: Can I tell you something?
Nick: Not really.
Old Nick: I'm you, from the future.
Nick: Well, that's a first.

Jess: I got laid off.
Winston: What!?
Nick: Are you serious?
Schmidt: Obama...

Sure, I could get a girl drunk and topless with only some crushed ice, a hollowed out papaya, and two fingers of rum. But then I grew up, and now I only want to make a drink that a coal miner would want. Straightforward, honest. Something that says, "I work in a hole".

Caroline is way hotter than that voice in my head who sounds like Tom Waits and tells me I look bad in hats.

Sandwiches and sex!? I want that!

Jess: Nick put on some pants or at least some really high socks.
Nick: Really high socks it is then!

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 128 in total

New Girl Quotes

It's a sexy place Jess, look at the CPR poster.

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick
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