I'm a small business owner!

Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.

Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

I don't know what "mazel tov" means, but it doesn't sound good.

Let the Decider decide! I am not the Suggester!

Sam: Ice it, 24 hours. Keep it elevated.
Nick: He even exits cool

Holly, he's really happy! He's got a 401K and a six-pack!

Nick: You never listen to pipe talk.
Jess: Pipe talk is boring.

Nick: Band of Brothers!
Schmidt: Your friendship means nothing to me. Every man for himself!

This coat has clean lines and pockets that just don't quit.

You're the deer! He wants to kill you! You're the deer!

He lures you in with his charm, his mustache, and his perfect hair!

New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick