He lures you in with his charm, his mustache, and his perfect hair!

If you were a hat, you'd be a top hat. But like a really big Monopoly one. And I say that with deepest compliments.

I can't believe I'm the sober one. That's actually never happened before in my life.

Fantasy and nightmare colliding.

I'm very poor. Having a checking account would be an honor. I've written a zombie book. It's terrible. I'm a slow runner. I'm obsessed with karate.

What happens in the sleigh is that I'll be your reindeer and take your toys to the sky.

Nick: Because college is so expensive...
Angie: I'm a stripper.

Nick: I don't get it. Is this bath water?
Schmidt: Might as well be; it's rosé.

Jess: You care about burritos more than my children?
Nick: You're putting me in a tough spot right now!

What are you going to do for 20 minutes of foreplay? Boring! Yawn! Am I right, ladies?

No part of this conversation is making me wanna boil over with rage.

I hate doors!

New Girl Quotes

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

Nick is so, so, so hot! I want to rub my face on his face!

Sarah