Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXFavorite Pam Quotes
Cyril: And basically the only thing that keeps you from murdering each other is a lack of access to fire arms.
Pam: Works for Canada.
Cheryl: Nothing works for Canada.
Pam: Can we talk for a second?
Cyril: Is that before Krieger sexually assaulted a 220 outlet. (group laughs)
Cheryl: Oh please, you invented racism? Also, you're just a reconstructed light field produced by firing a razor through a beam splitter..
Krieger's artificial girlfriend: Waaaww!
Pam: Yeah dude, not cool..
Pam: Pardon, but I'm supposed to-- (Queen slaps Pam)
Queen: Woman! I will kill you where you stand!
Cheryl: Which by law, I would be required to tell you if there was a murder in the house (pause) Ohhh, but if you're the murderer....That's what I love about this job. You learn something new every day.
Pam: But wait, why are you telling me about your plan not to make Lana jealous.
Archer: Because I- oh my god, Pam, I think you might be my best friend
Pam: You're my best friend! (hugs him)
Archer: But what about Cheryl?
Pam: You're my second best friend!
(In engine room with Carol and Pam)
Pam: So in your, dream the impossible dream world, your ruining cyril's life because you think it'll make Archer jealous, thus getting him back to you?
Carol: (naked except for mop covering her) Ohhh, pamela you read me like a poem...
Pam: (disgusted) Oh Yeah? Well what's the poem gonna be about, when Cyril snaps and murder's you!?
Carol: (shrugs) I don't know, "World's Gushiest Orgasm?"
Pam: Cyril, you can lie to yourself...
Ray: Obviously, look at your sweater.
(Lana's going away on a mission)
Cyril: Isnt it sudden you going on this mission?
Lana: Noooo....Sudden is wanting your girlfriend to move in with you after only 4 months.
Cyril: (defensive) Just talking about it...and by the way I moved in with my last girlfriend after only 4 weeks.
Lana: (stopping next to Malory, Sterling, Carol and Pam) What are you a lesbian?
Pam: Why would you be into that? (group plus Cyril and Lana turn to stare) Just curious, which was an odd word choice right there and am I talking out loud..
Pam: How do you not murder her every day?
Krieger: I do!
Pam: I was voted best milker!
Krieger: Me too!
Everyone: Eww.
(Cyril wonders why Lana hasn't called him yet)
Archer: (serious) Worse case scenario: Her covers been blown and Skorpio is now rapeing her sensless (everyone gasps horrified) before chopping her mangled corpse into Fish Chum.
Cyril: (hyperventilating) Oh my god!!
Carol: (appalled) How could you say that!?
Pam: What is wrong with you!!?
Dr. Creiger: (confused) He did say corpse right?
Archer: (defensive) What!? I said "worse case"
Cyril: Come to think of it, Archer, where were YOU last night?
Archer: Ask your wife!
Pam: Awwww, you know his wife left him! For you, Archer, because you screwed her tits off at the precinct cookout! So then she thought the two of you would get married and live happily ever after, but you were like, "Whaaaaaaaat.."
Archer: (stares at Pam)
Pam: Exactly. That face right there.
