Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXFavorite Pam Quotes
Archer: Are you shitting me?!?
Pam: Awwww, I wouldn't shit you, you're my favourite turd!
Archer: Look, I know you cops have to check your weapons up front, and there's five of us and only one of you, so...
Pam: So who wants their ass beat first? And before you decide, keep in mind that I'm gradually goin' to get more tired, but also gradually more berserker.
Figgis: Why do you constantly bring that up?
Poovey: What, Archer hammering your wife?
Figgis: Yes!
Poovey: In her flaps?
Figgis: YES!!
Poovey: [shrugs and mumbles] I dunno.
Poovey: You better pray to God it wasn't you who hit me. Because whoever it was...
Archer: [points to the gigantic Verl]
Poovey:...hits like a little bitch of a girl, who was born with some kind of bitch of a birth defect, so that instead of a fist, she just has this tiny bitch of a nubbin.
Cyril crying about the thought of Lana and Archer back together
Pam: And that's why I don't sleep with co-workers. [Pause] That, and nobody let's me.
Dr. Creiger: I've had good results with ether.
Archer: I really wish we hadn't have done that.
Poovey: I can never unsee him naked.
Archer: I mean, the size of that thing.
Poovey: Haul that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand.
Cheryl: See what? What's Area 51?
Pam: What's Area--, are you shitting me? Everybody knows about Area 51.
Archer: Yeah, even me, and I didn't know they made shoes out of cornbread.
Hey! Who keeps leaving the goddamn seat down?
Poovey
(Lana's voice is heard on Intercom)
Lana: Hi, if any of you men want to have sex with me (Cyril gasps) Come to my office and take a number.
(A large crowd of men appear before Lana's office. With Pam shoving her way thru.)
Pam: You heard the lady! (holds up piece of paper with number one on it) Take a number!!
Can I just put what I assume is your rock collection on the stupid train?
Cheryl: Beep beep beep.
Pam: Oh, your giving me the truck noise, Karen Carpenter stunt double?
Cheryl: I'm sorry, I thought you were walking backwards.
(Malory is Depressed because she thinks Sterling's Dead)
Malory: (Despondent) Bring me some posion Pam because I don't wish to live anymore! I'm dead inside...
Pam: (holding notice) Too, dead inside to read good news?
Malory: (overly dramatic) Is it my Obituary?
Pam: (smirking) Well, it's not that much good news.
Malory: (snarling) GIVE ME THAT, OAF!!
(looks at paper) OH MY GOD! Sterling! He's Alive!!
