Penny: Not even the chapter on the breast feeding crisis?
Leonard: It was not a crisis. Apparently, I favored the left one, she got a little lopsided.
Penny: Oh, my God, you still go left!

Penny: Oh, come on. Why? How bad could it be?
Leonard: There-there's chapters about potty training, bed wetting and masturbation. Basically, if something came out of me, she wrote about it!

The Disappointing Child by Beverly Hofstadter.

Raj: I didn't want anyone to feel bad at the end of the game. Some of those puzzles were really hard. I didn't know who was going to get Penny.
Penny: Run.
Raj: That came out wrong. But you have to admit you had a wonderful time.
Penny: Run to India.

Sheldon: To the planetarium!
Penny: Let's go!
Leonard: To the Tar Pits!
Bernadette: Let's go!
Amy: There's a Neil Diamond concert next month.
Howard: Let's go!

Penny: Oh it's a blowing alley.
Sheldon: Yes. My brain is better than everybody [holds up bowling ball].

Think of Sheldon when you apply it.

Penny (hands Howard the coupon)

Penny: "50 cents off Vagisil"
Sheldon: Think of me when you apply it.

Penny: He's still mad at Leonard, huh?
Amy: Well, he's mad at you, too. He said you were the succubus that led his friend astray.
Penny: I don't know what succubus is, but it has "suck" in it, so that can't be good.

Leonard: I didn't tell Sheldon so we could have a few days alone.
Penny: Oh, that is so romantic.
Leonard: Uh, sure, that's why I did it.

Sheldon: Well, if it's any consolation, i'm sure Leonard's tormented every moment he's away from your warm embrace and cherry lips.
Penny: Thanks.
Sheldon: Oh, seriously?

Penny: You know what the worst part is?
Sheldon: That you're having to process your emotional pain without vodka?
Penny: No. Yeah....

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.