The Big Bang Theory

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory

Penny: You're unbelievable.
Sheldon: I know.

Amy: Looks like something used by Tinker Bell's gynecologist.
Penny: Who I hope for her sake is not Captain Hook.

Penny: I'm just a blonde monkey to you, aren't I?
Sheldon: You said it, not me.

Penny: We're keeping things, you know, homeostasis.
Amy: It's so cute when she tries.

Sheldon: Penny? Please don't hurt my friend.
Penny: That is the last thing I want to do.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Amy: Soon my upper lip will be the same fake blonde as my beautiful best friend.
Penny: Hey, this is my natural hair color - Now.

Leonard: I'm sorry! I did, I crossed a line I didn't mean to.
Penny: Who says something like that right in the middle of sex?
Leonard: I don't know, it just came out! People say weird things during sex all the time.
Penny: Okay, well they sure as hell don't say that.
Leonard: It was heat of the moment.
Penny: No, the heat of the moment is "Oh yeah, just like that." Not "will you marry me?"
Leonard: I'm sorry, just-just give me another chance.
Penny: Why, so you can crawl under the covers and go, "Hey, baby, wanna go look for houses in neighborhoods with good schools?"

Howard: Tell her I'm really sorry. And if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. But what I really want her to know is the guy that she is really disgusted by is the guy that I'm disgusted by, too. But, that guy doesn't exist anymore; he's gone. And the reason is because of her. So, if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man, and tell her thank you.
Penny: Oh my god, Howard! That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. And it came out of you.

Bernadette: I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate: Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
Penny: Nice. You know, you should totally get Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowksi-Wolowitz.com before someone snaps it up.
Bernadette: Howard already took are of it. Plus he set up our beautiful wedding website with cute little facts about our family histories. Do you know for a while, in Poland, my family and his family were neighbors.
Penny: Aww, that's cool.
Amy: No, it's not. I'll explain it to you later.

Penny: Why should I worry?
Leonard: Well, I don't know. It's a bachelor party, there could be strippers. Wouldn't that make you a little jealous?
Penny: Come on, Leonard, it's you. What's gonna happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye- contact and offer to help her kid with his homework.

Sheldon: You don't think I'm condescending, do you?
Penny: Well....
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Condescending means....
Penny: I know what it means. And yes, you like to correcting people and putting them down.
Sheldon: Au Contraire. When I correct people I am raising them up. You should know, I do it for you more than anyone.

Penny: I know, he's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
Sheldon: That's close enough.

Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 345 in total

TBBT Quotes

Leonard: What? You're afraid of both dinosaurs and chickens.
Sheldon: Yes, but tell me a dinosaur chicken salad sandwich wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot.

Professor Proton is dead?

Sheldon
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