The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Bernadette: I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate: Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
Penny: Nice. You know, you should totally get Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowksi-Wolowitz.com before someone snaps it up.
Bernadette: Howard already took are of it. Plus he set up our beautiful wedding website with cute little facts about our family histories. Do you know for a while, in Poland, my family and his family were neighbors.
Penny: Aww, that's cool.
Amy: No, it's not. I'll explain it to you later.

Penny: Why should I worry?
Leonard: Well, I don't know. It's a bachelor party, there could be strippers. Wouldn't that make you a little jealous?
Penny: Come on, Leonard, it's you. What's gonna happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye- contact and offer to help her kid with his homework.

Sheldon: You don't think I'm condescending, do you?
Penny: Well....
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Condescending means....
Penny: I know what it means. And yes, you like to correcting people and putting them down.
Sheldon: Au Contraire. When I correct people I am raising them up. You should know, I do it for you more than anyone.

Penny: I know, he's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
Sheldon: That's close enough.

Penny: What is the truth?
Sheldon: My Mr. Spock doll came to me in a dream and forced me to open it. And when the toy broke I switched it for yours. Later, he encouraged me to do the right thing and I defied him. And then I was attacked by a Gorn.
Leonard: Okay, that I believe.

Leonard: Once you open the box, it loses it's value.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.

Leonard: You went to the comic book store by yourself?
Penny: Yeah. It was fun. I walked in and two different guys got asthma attacks. Felt pretty good.

Amy: I'm dating Sheldon Cooper
Penny: Yes, on purpose.
Amy: He's handsome, he's lanky, he's brilliant and his skin has the pale, waxy quality.
Penny: Well, sickly is the new sexy.

Penny: Please come home and let me cut your hair.
Sheldon: Amy what do you think?
Amy: There's not a hair on this body I wouldn't let this woman trim.

Penny: Where are you going?
Sheldon: Where ever the music takes me kitten.

Penny: Why did you get bongos?
Sheldon: Richard Feynman played bongos, I thought I would give that a try
Leonard: Richard Feynman was a physicist
Penny: It's three o'clock in the morning, I don't care if Richard Feynman was a purple leprechaun that lived in my butt!

Penny: Ok, what just happened?
Leonard: I don't know. Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer, and Sheldon being ok with you in his spot, I'm guessing someone went back in time and changed the course of human events.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 361 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Amy: Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just... I want you to know that you don't have to say it back.I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates...
Sheldon: I love you, too.
Amy: You said it.
Sheldon: There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite. But that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.