Penny: Why should I worry?
Leonard: Well, I don't know. It's a bachelor party, there could be strippers. Wouldn't that make you a little jealous?
Penny: Come on, Leonard, it's you. What's gonna happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye- contact and offer to help her kid with his homework.

Sheldon: You don't think I'm condescending, do you?
Penny: Well....
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Condescending means....
Penny: I know what it means. And yes, you like to correcting people and putting them down.
Sheldon: Au Contraire. When I correct people I am raising them up. You should know, I do it for you more than anyone.

Penny: I know, he's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
Sheldon: That's close enough.

Penny: What is the truth?
Sheldon: My Mr. Spock doll came to me in a dream and forced me to open it. And when the toy broke I switched it for yours. Later, he encouraged me to do the right thing and I defied him. And then I was attacked by a Gorn.
Leonard: Okay, that I believe.

Leonard: Once you open the box, it loses it's value.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.

Leonard: You went to the comic book store by yourself?
Penny: Yeah. It was fun. I walked in and two different guys got asthma attacks. Felt pretty good.

Amy: I'm dating Sheldon Cooper
Penny: Yes, on purpose.
Amy: He's handsome, he's lanky, he's brilliant and his skin has the pale, waxy quality.
Penny: Well, sickly is the new sexy.

Penny: Please come home and let me cut your hair.
Sheldon: Amy what do you think?
Amy: There's not a hair on this body I wouldn't let this woman trim.

Penny: Where are you going?
Sheldon: Where ever the music takes me kitten.

Penny: Why did you get bongos?
Sheldon: Richard Feynman played bongos, I thought I would give that a try
Leonard: Richard Feynman was a physicist
Penny: It's three o'clock in the morning, I don't care if Richard Feynman was a purple leprechaun that lived in my butt!

Penny: Ok, what just happened?
Leonard: I don't know. Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer, and Sheldon being ok with you in his spot, I'm guessing someone went back in time and changed the course of human events.

Penny: I use to cut my brother's hair. I could do it for you
Sheldon: I know you mean well, offering the skills of the hill folk, but here in town we don't churn our own butter, we don't make dresses from gunny sacks, and sure-as-shootin don't get our hair cut by bottle blon..
Leonard: Sheldon be nice!

TBBT Quotes

Mrs. Cooper: Shelly! I'm so glad you're here!
Sheldon: I saw you having naked sex.

Penny: I give up, he's impossible
Sheldon: I can't be impossible, I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up, he's improbable."