Penny: Today I drove to Van Nuys for an audition that I thought was for a cat food commercial. Turned out to be porn.
Sheldon: Did you get the part?
Penny: Ooh I thought I smelled pizza.
Sheldon: That's remarkable. If pepperoni were an explosive substance, you could replace German Shepherds at our nation's airports.
Sheldon: She stiffed you?
Penny: I believe that's what he did to her.
Good morning, slut.
Mrs. Cooper, hi, it's Penny. I think I broke your son.
Penny: Let's try some improvisation.
Sheldon: Why not? It seems you're improvising your entire curriculum.
Sweetie, let me put this in a way you'll understand. From the waist down, my shields are up.
You know, for a smart guy you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat.
Ok, so the same with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger.
Whatcha doing? Trying to contact your home planet?
Penny: That's thinking ahead.
Sheldon: The alternative would be to think backwards.. and that's just remembering.
Penny: He wasn't intellectually stimulating enough.
Bernadette: Couldn't you just fool around with him and then listen to NPR?
Penny: Wouldn't help. Zack couldn't even spell NPR.