Sweetie, let me put this in a way you'll understand. From the waist down, my shields are up.

You know, for a smart guy you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat.

Ok, so the same with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger.

Whatcha doing? Trying to contact your home planet?

Penny: That's thinking ahead.
Sheldon: The alternative would be to think backwards.. and that's just remembering.

Penny: He wasn't intellectually stimulating enough.
Bernadette: Couldn't you just fool around with him and then listen to NPR?
Penny: Wouldn't help. Zack couldn't even spell NPR.

Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archeology professor get that good with a whip?
Wolowtiz: Maybe he took a class at the adult book store. That's how I learned.

Sometimes stuff just happens and there's nothing you can do about it. For example, Lisa Peterson hasn't talk to me since the eleventh grade because no matter how much you apologize you can't go back and un-dryhump someone's boyfriend.

Wolowitz: Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
Penny: Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.

Penny: I hear you broke up with Amy.
Sheldon: Breakup would imply she was my girlfriend. She was a girl who was my friend who is now not my friend.
Penny: Wow, It's like the worst country song ever.

Penny: God, he's an ass when he drinks.
Wolowitz: He's an ass he doesn't. You just don't hear it.

I just run till I'm hungry, and then I stop for a bear claw.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon