South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralPhillip Quotes
Terrance: Wow! Scott really hates us, Phillip.
Phillip: Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.
(Terrance thinks)
Terrance: But we're not gay, Phillip.
Phillip: We're not?
Terrance: No! It's Sally. She's being held captive in Iran.
Phillip: Not Sally! Dear God, no, Terrance! Why Sally?! God, why?! Say, Terrance, who's Sally?
Terrance: Well, Scott said to meet him here, but he's not showing up!
(Phillip farts and they laugh)
Phillip: Well, while we're waiting, why don't we search for treasure?
Terrance: Oh. Good idea. Let's search for treasure.
(Phillip looks around, but Terrance ends up looking at his feet)
Scott: (arrives) What are you idiots doing?!
Terrance: We're looking for treasure!
Scott: Is that some kind of metaphor for a a kind of sex that can't be described?!
Phillip: No, we're searching for treasure.
Phillip: Would a murderer go to the zoo and feed animals like this? Of course not. So, in summation, find Terrance innocent... Or else he'll KILL you!
Phillip: Ha, ha! Just kidding!
Phillip: Oh, hello, Scott. No hard feelings, right, old pal?
Scott: There ARE hard feelings! This isn't over! I'm going ta see to it that you both pay for what you've done! And do you know why?
Phillip: 'Cause you're a dick?
Scott: No! Because I hate you! You guys think that fart jokes are so funny, but they're not! In fact, I wish you were both dead and had cancer!
Phillip: Cancer??
Scott: Yes; in the head!
Terrance: "Head cancer"??
Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, the case before you today is of a murderer. On the night in question, this monster entered the home of Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer and struck him repeatedly on the head with his hammer. That monster is sitting right over there, and his name is Terrance! (Terrance farts. Both he and Phillip laugh)
Phillip: Oh, Terrance! You farted in court!
Terrance: Yes, Phillip. I'm making a case for our defense.
Phillip: Ugly Bob!
Celine Dion: Ugly Bob? You said your name was Handsome Bob!
Phillip: Oh, hello Ugly Bob.
Terrance: My God, you're looking hideously ugly today.
Ugly Bob: Why do you guys say stuff like that?
Terrance: Because you're goddamn ugly, Ugly Bob!
Scott: (on phone) Terrance, this is Scott.
Terrance: Hello Scott.
Phillip: (from distance) Tell him he's a smelly bastard.
Terrance: Phillip says hello, Scott.
Celine Dion: Why are you calling him Ugly Bob?
Phillip: Because that's his name you stupid bitch!
Terrance: That one's called the monkey claw because it feels like my colon is being torn about my a thousand monkeys.
Phillip: The monkey claw is smelly.
