Principal Skinner: You're not supposed to be able to get outside our network.
Nelson: You shouldn't have made your password, "password".
Principal Skinner: It was the name of the street I grew up on, Password Drive.

Willie: What's that?
Principal Skinner: We didn't want to leave you out of the digital revolution. Willie, meet your new supervisor.
Willie: I have to take orders from a machine?
Principal Skinner: Oh it can't speak, but should it ever learn, yes.

Skinner: So from now on our cafeteria will only serve delicious Stuffwich's heroes, hoagies, and torpedoes.
Nelson: What about po' boys?
Skinner: Sorry, Nelson. Poor boys, such as yourself, will go hungry.

You're like egg salad at a picnic, Simpson. Even when you look good, we know you're going bad.

Principal Skinner: I must say, Lisa, it was amusing to see you thoroughly de-high-horsed.
Lisa: That isn't a word.
Principal Skinner: Oooh, back on the saddle she climbs.

It's called precipitation because it never fails to precipitate bad behavior.

Bart: Looks like Mr. Vanilla just grew some chocolate chips.
Seymour: Save your analogies for the analogy portion of the exam.

Chalmers: I hate waiting. That's why I hate risotto.
Skinner: Even mushroom risotto?
Chalmers: What do you think?!?

We can handle the alcoholism, melted cheese in the microwave and, selling A's for cigarettes, but not laying a hand on a child.

That theremin has paid for itself time and time again.

Simpson! I'll teach you to make a Poupon me!

Lisa: I've got something! The sixth grade security camera shows three empty desks.
Principal Skinner: Enhance!
(Camera zooms in on desk with "Skinner Stinks" carved into it)
Principal Skinner: De-hance! De-hance!

The Simpsons Quotes

Marge: Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner.
Homer: Tomorrow night? Friday? Pork chop night? Marge! We haven't missed pork chop night since the great pig scare in '87!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart