Raj: Wool pants in the desert. I feel like I've got poached testicles.
Leonard: Oh, you poor thing, you're sweating. That is so much worse than having your car stolen.
Raj: Your insurance is going to buy you a new car. It's not gonna de-funk my junk.

Leonard: I wasn't screwing around with anyone.
Raj: Of course not. She was just sniffing around your goods because she was hunting for truffles.

Leonard: It's nice to have a young, attractive woman sniffing around the goods.
Raj: I both hate you and want to be you. It's Ryan Gosling all over again.

Raj: I talk with my eyes.
Howard: You look like my little cousin when he's dropping one in his diaper.

Not one cereal mascot is a girl. It's a total breakfast sausage fest.

Raj: I bought her a couple drinks and she gave me her email address.
Bernadette: "jennifer@notevenifyourethelastguyonearth.loser"

Wait, doesn't anyone have a-a Rod of Resurrection? If you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.

Mine just took me to his gynecology office. I got so bored I put vaginal lubricant on the bottom of my shoes and pretended I was ice skating.

Raj: You got this buddy.
Leonard: Yeah, come on, Howard. Hook that worm.
Raj: You can do it.
Penny: That's great. Cheerleading. Way to man things up.

Howard: Well, we appear to have reached an impasse. And, you know, I have to say, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
Raj: I didn't pick up on that. That's a nice touch.

Raj: Okay, here's another one: if a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie? Or, a zompire?

Oh, Hallow-weenies!

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?