Howard: Why don't you put her in a kennel?
Raj: Why don't you put your mother in a home?
Howard: To be honest, she'd do better in the kennel.

Well, that all stinks. No wonder you all got cancelled. Bye.


I do have a pretty balls-to-the-wall moisturizing regime.

No wrapper's gonna tell me what to do, unless it's Jay-Z.

Raj's girlfriend: Who's your favorite player?
Raj: Not Brian Boitano, that's for sure.

I've got to go be more butch. Tootles.

Howard: So take what's in that blog and use it to get her pants off.
Raj: Why do you have to make everything so filthy? Why couldn't you just say the blog is like her giving me the key to her heart?
Howard: The key to her heart. That's nice. Were you quoting someone or is it tattooed on the small of your back?
Raj: I was quoting a man who knows a thing or two about women: Sir Elton John.

Howard: People change names on blogs to protect their privacy. Roger is Raj.
Raj: Oh, I always thought, if I had a white name, it would be Gavin.

Mummy was right. American girls are sexually voracious devils.

Raj: I can see my little princess while I'm at work, right?
Howard: Why can't you just watch porn like a normal guy?

Sheldon: Are you implying my girlfriend doesn't have any sexuality to exploit?
Raj: Yes
Sheldon: Okay, because that was not clear.

I'm counting that as foreplay.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

The show must go on, and thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.