The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Raj: I can see my little princess while I'm at work, right?
Howard: Why can't you just watch porn like a normal guy?

Sheldon: Are you implying my girlfriend doesn't have any sexuality to exploit?
Raj: Yes
Sheldon: Okay, because that was not clear.

I'm counting that as foreplay.

You won't regret it. I'm the most pathetic guy you've ever met.

My heart is stone. From now on, I'm a monk. I renounce all worldly pleasures. Except for Lobster. And, garlic butter.

Later, Losers!

I was going to spend the night with my special little lady, but she got worms and I had to take her to the vet.

Oh my God. She's not going to bathe me, is she?

How do you sleep in these things? Silk pajamas on satin sheets, I slid out of the bed like 3 times.

Raj: I didn't know you can have a cyst inside a cyst.
Mrs. Wolowitz: The doctor said they were like Russian nesting dolls.

Dump her? What did he use? A fork lift?

Way to make lemonade. You know from around the corner where fudge is made.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 305 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon