You won't regret it. I'm the most pathetic guy you've ever met.

My heart is stone. From now on, I'm a monk. I renounce all worldly pleasures. Except for Lobster. And, garlic butter.

Later, Losers!

I was going to spend the night with my special little lady, but she got worms and I had to take her to the vet.

Oh my God. She's not going to bathe me, is she?

How do you sleep in these things? Silk pajamas on satin sheets, I slid out of the bed like 3 times.

Raj: I didn't know you can have a cyst inside a cyst.
Mrs. Wolowitz: The doctor said they were like Russian nesting dolls.

Dump her? What did he use? A fork lift?

Way to make lemonade. You know from around the corner where fudge is made.

Howard: They spent a ton of money developing this dandruff medication that had the horrible side effect of anal leakage.
Raj: Is there a good anal leakage?

Raj: Aren't you gonna to eat lunch?
Howard: Nah, I blew my food allowance on Pokemon cards?

Raj: Oh, okay, great. Now, I can look like Val Kilmer as Batman, instead of Val Kilmer as he looks today.
Howard: All right, you can suck it in a little bit.

TBBT Quotes

Two tea bags in one cup? You're not at a rave.

Sheldon

Raj: Okay, here's another one: if a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie? Or, a zompire?