I'm counting that as foreplay.

You won't regret it. I'm the most pathetic guy you've ever met.

My heart is stone. From now on, I'm a monk. I renounce all worldly pleasures. Except for Lobster. And, garlic butter.

Later, Losers!

I was going to spend the night with my special little lady, but she got worms and I had to take her to the vet.

Oh my God. She's not going to bathe me, is she?

How do you sleep in these things? Silk pajamas on satin sheets, I slid out of the bed like 3 times.

Raj: I didn't know you can have a cyst inside a cyst.
Mrs. Wolowitz: The doctor said they were like Russian nesting dolls.

Dump her? What did he use? A fork lift?

Way to make lemonade. You know from around the corner where fudge is made.

Howard: They spent a ton of money developing this dandruff medication that had the horrible side effect of anal leakage.
Raj: Is there a good anal leakage?

Raj: Aren't you gonna to eat lunch?
Howard: Nah, I blew my food allowance on Pokemon cards?

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors

Sheldon