The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Raj: If you don't like this stuff, let's just go next door and build her a bear.
Sheldon: I told you before, bears are terrifying

Leonard: Every time I try to talk to her about moving out she cries, and we have sex.
Raj: You're lucky. With me it's usually the other way around

Raj: I'll tell you what, how about we go rock-paper-scissors?
Sheldon: Eww, I don't think so. Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of rock-paper-scissors, players familiar with each other tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest "rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock"

Raj: We now have the address of the Top Model house.
Howard: God bless you, Google Street View—registered trademark.
Leonard: Okay, for the record, what you guys are doing is really creepy.
Wolowitz: You know what? If it's creepy to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I'm creepy.

Sheldon: The entire nation dedicated a decade of effort and treasure to put a man on the moon.
Wolowitz: Well, my fellow Americans, before this year is out we will put a Wolowitz on one of America's top models.
Raj: And a large number of people will believe it never happened

Rajesh: Isn't there a University policy against dating graduate students?
Leonard: No. If you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Rajesh: Damn, there's always a catch

Raj: Did you see my limo downstairs?
Leonard: Yeah.
Raj: It's bigger than the house my grandfather grew up in.
Leonard: Great.
Raj: It has more food, too

Raj [to Leonard]: What about Leslie Winkle?
Sheldon: Oh, no.
Raj: Why?
Sheldon: Her research methodology is sloppy, she's unjustifiably arrogant about loop quantum gravity, and to make matters worse, she's often mean to me

Leonard: [Sheldon] says he's moving out.
Raj: What did you do? Did you change the contrast or brightness settings on the television?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Did you take a Band-Aid off in front of him?
Leonard: No.
Wolowitz: Did you buy generic ketchup? Forget to rinse the sink? Talk to him through the bathroom door?

Raj: Hey, look, I found an iPod!
Wolowitz: Smashed beyond repair—what are you going to do with it?
Raj: What else? Sell it on ebay as "slightly used"

Raj: Missy, do you enjoy pajamas?
Missy: I guess.
Raj: We Indians invented them. You're welcome.
Wolowitz: Yeah, well, my people invented circumcision

Wolowitz: Okay, you two have to back off.
Raj: Why should I back off? You back off, dude.
Leonard: Excuse me, this is my apartment, and she's my roommate's sister.
Howard: So what? You've already got Penny.
Leonard: How do I have Penny? In what universe do I have Penny?
Wolowitz: So, I can have Penny?
Leonard: Hell, no!

Displaying quotes 277 - 288 of 305 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.