If you really want to clean up your Karma, go get my fricking latte

Raj [to Leonard]

Raj: Interesting. Penny's current suitor asking advice from Penny's former suitor.
Leonard: Thanks for close-captioning my pain, Raj.

Leonard: Hey, how's it going?
Wolowitz: Cut the crap, you set this up, didn't you?
Leonard: Yes..
Wolowitz: She's a hooker, isn't she?
Raj: A prostitute, yes
Wolowitz: You already gave her the money?
Leonard: Yes
Wolowitz: ... Thank you

Raj: We should have a plan in case one of us gets lucky
Leonard: Umm... okay...if I get lucky, I'll take her to my stately manner outside Gotham City. If you get lucky, I'll sleep on the moon
Leonard: Sounds like a plan

Raj [about Wolowitz]: Too bad he wasn't here for that hooker. She was exactly his type: a hooker

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Raj: I'm telling you Leonard: Video slots, free drinks brought to you by a bosomy barmaid, and all-you-can-eat shrimp for $3.99. Disneyland can suck it. This is the real "happiest place on Earth"

Raj: The Wolowitz coefficient?
Wolowitz: Neediness times dress size squared

Raj [referring to making Penny Blossoms]: You know if I wanted to do this on a Saturday night, I would have stayed in India
Wolowitz: Drop the third world country act. Your father was a gynecologist and you had a houseful of servants
Raj: We only had four servants and two of them were children

Wolowitz: Unlike you, I can actually talk to women while I'm sober.
Raj: You fail to take into account that even mute, I am foreign and exotic, while you on the other hand, are frail and pasty.
Wolowitz: Well ... you know the old saying: "Pasty and frail, never fail"

Raj: If you don't like this stuff, let's just go next door and build her a bear.
Sheldon: I told you before, bears are terrifying

Leonard: Every time I try to talk to her about moving out she cries, and we have sex.
Raj: You're lucky. With me it's usually the other way around

Raj: I'll tell you what, how about we go rock-paper-scissors?
Sheldon: Eww, I don't think so. Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of rock-paper-scissors, players familiar with each other tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest "rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock"

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.