The Big Bang Theory

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory

Leonard: I can't believe they kicked you out.
Raj: I can't believe they're still married.

Raj: I'm being a good houseguest.
Howard: No, you're being a better husband than I am.

There's also a time to stop eating too many jelly beans. And it's when you're ten.

Howard: She spends half the time licking her butt.
Raj: And the other half licking my face.

It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an Indian providing the food.

Raj: That's horrible. Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred.
Penny: Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat, like, a million hamburgers.
Raj: Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious.

Oh, it's okay. I have no morals and I'm desperately lonely. I'll be the other man if you want a little something-something on the side.

Howard: If I may, he has so little self-respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
Raj: He's right.

Why is the key always confidence? How come it's never love handles and flop sweat?

Check it out. You can wear yours and we can have little sword fights whenever we want.

My dad says it's because the sound of my mom's voice makes him want to tear his ears off and sew them over his eyes so he never has to look at her again.

Howard: Can you imagine seeing someone all day long and then you're supposed to hang out with them after work, too?
Raj: Hold on. We do that all the time. You and I work together and play together.
Howard: Yeah, I know, and it drove me into the arms of another woman.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 298 in total

TBBT Quotes

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?

Leonard: What? You're afraid of both dinosaurs and chickens.
Sheldon: Yes, but tell me a dinosaur chicken salad sandwich wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot.

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