Raj: I didn't want anyone to feel bad at the end of the game. Some of those puzzles were really hard. I didn't know who was going to get Penny.
Penny: Run.
Raj: That came out wrong. But you have to admit you had a wonderful time.
Penny: Run to India.

So if you want to solve the mystery of who stabbed Koothrappali in the back with the weapon of indifference, it was all of you.

Howard: No, I am definitely up a cup size.
Raj: You, know, b-but they're very firm, so you've got that going for you.
Howard: You think?
Raj: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very perky.
Howard: Thank you. I really needed to hear that today.

Jump up and down -- let's see if they jigggle

Raj: Why are you on a diet?
Howard: I've put on a couple pounds. I buy these pants in the men's section.
Raj: Well, we've all seen your mom. That Butterball turkey was bound to come home to roost.

Howard: What were they thinking putting Doctor Octopus's mind in Spider-Man's body?
Raj: Well, I've been quite enjoying that. It combines all the superhero fun of Spider-Man with all the body-switching shenanigans of Freaky Friday. Both versions: original and Lohan.
Howard (imitating Raj): "Both versions: original and Lohan."

So if the fact that your husband left you makes you feel unattractive, just remember, penguins get cheated on and they're adorable.

Howard: There's a party for incoming post-docs tonight. Go to it and meet someone who isn't made of grease or pie.
Raj: You think you're so cool because your wife is a person?

Sheldon: Even the dung beetle chooses to plot its course by using the Milky Way.
Raj: Is that true?
Sheldon: Everything I say is true. Now, of course, the dung beetle also enjoys eating fece, living in feces and making little balls out of feces. So, pick and choose which aspects of its lifestyle you want to embrace.

Raj: I haven't had a drink since last night.
Penny: You're talking to me.
Raj: I am. And, now I'm crying for a whole different reason.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I ever have love? I'm unlovable.

If you wear something brown and sit on the couch, they won't even know you're there.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.