The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSRajesh "Raj" Koothrappali Quotes
Howard: She spends half the time licking her butt.
Raj: And the other half licking my face.
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an Indian providing the food.
Raj: That's horrible. Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred.
Penny: Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat, like, a million hamburgers.
Raj: Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious.
Oh, it's okay. I have no morals and I'm desperately lonely. I'll be the other man if you want a little something-something on the side.
Howard: If I may, he has so little self-respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
Raj: He's right.
Why is the key always confidence? How come it's never love handles and flop sweat?
Check it out. You can wear yours and we can have little sword fights whenever we want.
My dad says it's because the sound of my mom's voice makes him want to tear his ears off and sew them over his eyes so he never has to look at her again.
Howard: Can you imagine seeing someone all day long and then you're supposed to hang out with them after work, too?
Raj: Hold on. We do that all the time. You and I work together and play together.
Howard: Yeah, I know, and it drove me into the arms of another woman.
Raj: I think it could be romantic. You know, my parents met at his place of work.
Leonard: Your father's a gynecologist.
Raj: I know. What started as a pap smear turned into a date, which turned into her working there, which turned into marriage, which turned into hatred which continues to this day.
Howard: Wait. Wait. If it wasn't for Indiana Jones, the ark would never have ended up at the warehouse!
Sheldon: (gasps) That's true! He collected and delivered the ark to the proper authorities for filing.
Raj: Like a hero.
All: Yeah! Right! Yes!
Leonard: Although, technically, Indy was supposed to take the ark to a museum to be studied. He couldn't even get that done.
All: Aww.
Raj: Wait. How can anyone ruin Raiders? It's perfect.
Sheldon: Yeah, except for the fact that Indiana Jones is completely irrelevant to the story. With or without him the Nazi's find the ark, open it and die.
