The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Ralph Wiggum Quotes
Michelle Obama: That's right, Lisa, as an avid organic gardner I've read your blog.
Lisa: Flotus1 is First Lady of the United States, one.
Michelle Obama: Yes, I wanted just flotus, but someone had it.
Ralph: That's me because I swim with my flotuses on.
Chief Wiggum: Help! Help us! They stole our uniforms guns and tazers!
Snake: (in a police uniform) Ohhhhh, Fry piggy. (charges tazer)
Chief Wiggum: No, no -- no don't -- aargh! Aargh! A little to the left... aah, that's the stuff.
(discussing the where-abouts of the buried treasure)
Homer: Nooo kidding?
Chief Wiggum: Big T, huh?
Homer: Well... I guess I'll be going to my home now and... sleep.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah... me too.... I will also go home.... for sleep.
Eddie: She's locked in the car and refuses to move.
Chief Wiggum: Did you flash your lights?
Eddie: Yes.
Chief Wiggum: Well, I'm fresh out of ideas.
(Chief Wiggum takes care of the robot vacuum cleaners gone wild.)
Chief Wiggum: These innocent robots-- (shoots one) --couldn't have done this on their own-- (shoots another) --someone would have to turn them all on at once-- (shoots another) --and then set them on some kind of malevolent sentience.
(Picks one up and examines a switch that reads "On", "Off" and "Malevolent Sentience" with the switch turned to the latter.)
Chief Wiggum: Yep, there it is.
(after getting shot) I always thought I'd die of hepatitis!
Chief Wiggum
(During the hostage situation, Officer Eddie rushes a package to Chief Wiggum)
Chief Wiggum: Finally, the help we need--a DVD of The Negotiator.
(Chief Wiggum places the DVD into a portable DVD player.)
Chief Wiggum: Hmm, hmm. Which chapter should we skip to? "Meet Danny Roman," "Trouble Brewing," "Off the Case," "My Baby's In There," "Enter Niebaum," "Take the Shot," "Sabian's Choice," Check and Mate," "Friends at Last," "Closing Credits"?
I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo.
Chief Wiggum
Can I borrow that ostrich?
Chief Wiggum
Female Golem: There's a latke bar downstairs.
Chief Wiggum: Latke? What the hell's a latke?
Female Golem: They're pan-fried--
Chief Wiggum: Case dismissed!!
I'm going to eat chocolate till I barf!
Chief Wiggum: You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner!
Fat Tony: What's a murder?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!
