Favorite Ron Swanson Quotes
History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.
"The dentist pulled the tooth out yesterday but it's always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. Plus, it's always fun to see Tom faint."
I like Andy. I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.
My ex-wife Tammy likes to check in every so often and make sure I'm doing OK. And if I am, she tries to [expletive] everything up.
The next thing you'll want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are pointless.
Hey, Mark. Welcome to my haven. You're the first non-me to set foot in this building in ten years.
Leslie, NO! We use that stuff to burn warts off mules!
It's too bad. I just taught her how to whittel. She made me this tiny sharpened stick.
Ann: Hey, Ron. Did we make out last night?
Ron: Good god, woman. No.
Your house isn't haunted. You're lonely.
Ron: There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk.
Ron: Haircuts, there are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?
