Favorite Ron Swanson Quotes
If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?
Never half ass two things, whole ass one thing.
Ron: I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
I've had the same will since I was 8 years old. Upon my death, I will transfer all of my belongings to the man or animal who has killed me.
Leslie: I really made love to the pooch on this one.
Ron: Screwed the pooch?
Leslie: I don't like that term. It's too vulgar.
Ron: Tom, I'm asking you as a man to stop this immediately!
Ron: What the f***?
Ron: Thank you all for being here, let's get started.
Leslie: Wow, great attitude Ron.
Ron: Sorry, I was talking to these ribs.
Straight down the middle, no hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.
What the fuck is a German muffin?!?
Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness.
Ron: Okay, here's the situation.
Leslie: Your parents went away on a week's vacation and left the keys to the brand new Porsche? I'll just take it for a little spin and maybe show it off to a couple of friends. That's when I saw this beautiful girlie girl walking. I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking. this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh. She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far. I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car. Well parents are the same no matter time nor place, so to you other kids all across the land, no need to worry, parents just don't understand!
Ron: Someone is on fire in Ramsett Park. They need you to get down there right away.
My son is several weeks old. He is very familiar with the sound of power tools.
