Favorite Ron Swanson Quotes
It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.
"The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy."
I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.
Ben: I'm just gonna sleep on the floor.
Ron: It's called the "ground" when it's outside.
Anyone want to go to JJ's for some after dinner omelets?
I won't publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two inch style oscillating knife blade.
I have so many ideas. Some are simple like take down traffic lights and eliminate the post office. The bigger ones will be tougher, like 'bring all this crumbling to the ground.'
Tom: Is that bacon on your turkey leg?
Ron: They call it a Swanson.
I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
Leslie: Well, don't be such a baby. I cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.
Ron: I ate it already.
Leslie: What?
Ron: I could smell it in your purse before I even parked my car. And now it's gone and I hate everything.
Ron: Leslie, what do we do when we get this angry?
Leslie: We count backwards from 1,000 by sevens and we think of warm brownies.
Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner because I've won an award.
