Favorite Ron Swanson Quotes
Leslie: Well, don't be such a baby. I cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.
Ron: I ate it already.
Leslie: What?
Ron: I could smell it in your purse before I even parked my car. And now it's gone and I hate everything.
I won't publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two inch style oscillating knife blade.
Ron: Leslie, what do we do when we get this angry?
Leslie: We count backwards from 1,000 by sevens and we think of warm brownies.
Tom: Is that bacon on your turkey leg?
Ron: They call it a Swanson.
I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.
Tom-cat, pull up a mouth. This buffet is unstoppable.
It is a beautiful night for the end of the world.
Ron: No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here's April and Andy's: A hammer, a half eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans.
Leslie: If the world was ending tomorrow I'd want to be with him.
Ron: Well that's significant the problem is the world's not ending tomorrow.
I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people celebrating, because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus the whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.
