Favorite Ron Swanson Quotes
Ron: When I look at my palm I see a lady's mouth French kissing a dog. Is that normal?
Ann: Well, the pain medication I gave you is pretty strong. Donna uses it for menstrual cramps.
I need to find someone to fill in for April. Now I know I'm not going to find someone who's both aggressively mean and apathetic. April really is the whole package.
And just like that. The one tiny aspect of government I enjoyed was clubbed to death before my eyes.
Leslie: Does she have any weaknesses?
Ron: No.
Leslie: What do you mean no? Everybody has a weakness.
Ron: Not machines. I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone from the future to come back and destroy all happiness.
Leslie: Ron! Did you get my text?
Ron: No.
Leslie: Did you get my email?
Ron: Mmm.
Leslie: Did you see that I paged you?
Ron: I did not.
Leslie: Did you get my voicemail?
Ron: I didn't.
Ron: Is this everybody?

Donna: Ann took a cab. Tom's in the trunk. Jerry's on the roof.
April: You're, um, Pawnee's Woman of the Year it looks like.
Ron: Oh, it's about time.
Took her home. Polished her up. Bought a brand new ribbon off of electronic bay dot com.
Andy: Do you have a key in your shoe?
Ron: No, no. I have a bunion that's practically it's own toe. Normally the pain howls through my loafers like a banshee on the moors, but these past three minutes its been reduced to a faint growl.
Ron: Tammy and I are in love, and we're going to start a family together. In fact. She's ovulating. So if you'll excuse us, we're heading off on our honeymoon.
Jerry: Wow, where you going?
Leslie: Parks services are still here, and we have a job to do.
Tom: Make the world's biggest pizza.
Leslie: No, make this town fun for the people who live here.
Tom: Fine. But after that, the pizza is our top priority.
Leslie: No it's not.
Ron: We're getting pizza?
Ann, do you have any Mounds? Because all I can find are Almond Joys. And almonds give me the squirts.
