Favorite Ron Swanson Quotes
This is my basketball court. I don't want to see any double dribbles. I don't want to see any three second violations.
We can't have raccoons for the Christmas thing. They'll hunt the kids for sport.
Leslie: So everybody gather around. Let's grab hands.
Ron: I don't hold hands.
All of you be quiet. Andy, she's mad because you said "awesome sauce" instead of "I love you too." April, he loves you. Stop being a child. Tom, you're clearly at fault here. Blaming Jerry won't save you. Jerry, we both know you were shotgunning funnel cakes instead of watching Lil Sebastian. So everyone apologize to everyone else.
Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy. Easy. Boom, a sad desk. Boom, sad wall. It's art. Anything is anything.
You know, Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple months. I usually watch it with my brothers, maybe you can come by during halftime and shoot me in the head?
Tammy: You're a joke. You're not even a man anymore. Oh, and by the way, last night I faked four out of the seven.
Ron: So did I.
Chris, you have come up with a plan so spectacularly horrible that it might ruin the entire department.
Ron: To me, this situation is a blood-soaked, nightmare-ish hellscape. However to Leslie Knope-
Leslie: Oh how fun!
April: Yay.
Ron: No, I'm bringing my workshop up to the Swanson code. And if the Swanson code happens to overlap with the city government code...
Mark: Shut up!
So you talked to Tammy? What's it like to stare in the eye of Satan's butt hole?
I accidentally told them what you're doing in an attempt to save some government jobs. It's been a very strange day for me.
