Sam Oliver Quotes
Sam: Sock, Sock, don't do something stupid.
Sock: Sam, I am almost certainly going to do something stupid. It's in my blood. You know that
Devil: Love? There's no such thing. I'm talking real passion, lust.
Sam: You don't think love is real?
Devil: The French invented love so they could put a civilized face on a primal urge. Dress it up with candy and hearts and cubic zirconium. In the end it all comes down to endorphins and genitalia
Sam: A church? Isn't this a little too close for comfort?
Devil: Nah, me and the Big Guy have an understanding. I stay out of his house, he lets me play with his toys
Devil: I was able to obtain some information one of her many, many, many erogenous zones. Just stroke her earlobe, and she'll do anything. Anything.
Sam: There is something really wrong with you.
Devil: What? Encouraging a young man to succumb to his primal and perfectly natural instincts. Sharing the fact that Taylor's in her experimental phase? Is that bad?
Ben: Damn. We look good.
Sock: I'm thinking of touching myself.
Sam: Not in my car, please
Sam: I couldn't figure out why you kept throwing Taylor in my path. It's not because you really care about me.
Devil: Hey! Untrue.
Sam: It's because you're tempting me...again! You just want me to be more like you. But I'm not! I don't believe there's no such thing as love, and you know what? I don't believe that you believe that.
Devil: Wow. You know, celibacy really makes you insightful.
Sam: Come on. You've been around since the dawn of time. Are you telling me you've never been in love?
Devil: Well, personally, I've always found lust to be quite satisfying.
Sam: Yeah. You would
Sock: God, do we have to talk to Russ? Guy gives me the skeeves.
Sam: Yes. Yes, we do. But remember, we are all business. You show any signs of friendship to Russ and it's like feeding a raccoon. We'll never get rid of him.
Sock: Ah, you hear that, Ben?
Ben: Oh, wh...
Sock: No, listen to me. None of this, my name's Ben. I like everybody. Let's be blood brothers, okay? I do not want to hang out with this guy. He's extra-strength douche
Devil: Sam, I invented therapy. Okay? So that the wicked could justify their actions.
Sam: I'm starting to be able to figure out when you're lying as well
Devil: Sam, if I can impart to you one piece of knowledge, just one kernel of truth that I've gleaned over the entirety of my existence, it would be this. Betrayal is the defining trait of humanity. Your friends will always let you down. The girl will always leave.
Sam: That's not true.
Devil: Yes it is. And your so-called friends have proven my point. You know, you're not angry at Leon. You're just upset because you're realizing the weakness of your species. The most untrustworthy, unreliable creatures on this Earth... Except for bears
Leon: Tell me about your childhood.
Sam: My parents sold my soul to the Devil.
Leon: So, oohh, well... that's some abandonment and betrayal. And I'm gonna guess there was a lot of bedwetting
Devil: Holidays always depress me.
Sam: Holidays? What? Halloween? I thought you'd love this time of year.
Devil: I detest it with every fiber of my being. Back when it was the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, now that... that was a holiday. Dead rising from their graves, damaging crops, causing trouble. Good times.
Sam: But now you hate it.
The Devil: It's the commercialization of evil. the one day when not a soul on Earth fears me, or even believes in me. I become a party gag. A plastic mask.
Sam: It's only one day out of the year.
Devil: Are you trying to make me feel better, Sam?
Sam: Yeah, I guess I am.
Wow, I'm not usually a morning person but I kind of like knocking a soul off first thing
