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Don't shoot me, shoot him! He's white and out of ammo.

Shirley: This is not your baby Chang.
Chang: How do you know?
Shirley: Because I don't see any locusts.

I never told you this, but Changs are usually born with tails. You, sort of dodged a bullet there.

My nephew Jim was born on the treadmill at Bally Total Fitness; 20% incline.

Chang babies love the sauce, you know? Alcohol AND Duck.

Trust me I know these vents like the back of my Chang.

Why do I have to put the VCR on 3, if Bones is on 5?

Between you and me, I don't Chang a lot of chicks.

Landline? Ok, Grandma Bell.

Jeff: What are you doing here Change and how do you know where I live?
Chang: I can answer both of those questions by returning your driver's license.

Chang: Are you ignoring me because I'm Korean?
Shirley: You're Chinese.
Chang: Oh there's a difference?

Jeff: Kristi Yamaguchi?
Chang: Peggy Flemming. You're racist! Just been proven racist by the racist prover.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 38 in total

Community Quotes

I'm no sociopath, I always know what I'm doing is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like taking tests, doing work, and getting yelled at. So if you think about it, I'm the sanest person here.

Jeff

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]
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