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Chang: What do I do if I see a crime?
Security Guard: Do what a security guard does and call a cop.

Don't tell the monkey I'm living in here.

Does anyone have an alliance I can join? I'm really loyal.

Don't shoot me, shoot him! He's white and out of ammo.

Shirley: This is not your baby Chang.
Chang: How do you know?
Shirley: Because I don't see any locusts.

I never told you this, but Changs are usually born with tails. You, sort of dodged a bullet there.

My nephew Jim was born on the treadmill at Bally Total Fitness; 20% incline.

Chang babies love the sauce, you know? Alcohol AND Duck.

Trust me I know these vents like the back of my Chang.

Displaying quotes 10 - 18 of 38 in total