The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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I believe you were about to ask me to choose a cocktail. Fortunately, thanks to computer-savvy alcoholics, there's an app for that.

That was an experiment to determine at what concentration does food start tasting moth-y.

And to think! I was ready to waste the last of my good hemorrhoid cream on you!

Leonard: You put moths in my food!?
Sheldon: For science.

You're far too short to be Darth Vader. You're much more likely to be a turncoat Ewok.

Leonard: You know what happens when you yawn in public...
Sheldon: Everyone will see my oddly shaped uvela.

Raj: Hands off my sister.
Sheldon: Why would I touch her? She's covered in airplane germs.

Sheldon: I assure you I am quite real and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
Mrs. Fowler: What?
Sheldon: Oh yes, we are like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt.

Sheldon: I want you to know that I'm genuinely concerned about your well-being.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: You're welcome. But it's still no reason to have your feet in my spot.

Leonard: Have you considered telling her your feelings?
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie.
Leonard: Well let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object by an incline plane, wrapped helicly around an axis.
Sheldon: Screwed.
Leonard: There you go.

Sheldon: Why on earth are you telling me all this?
Leonard: Sometimes you movements are so lifelike I forget you're not a real boy.

Leonard: Why would you want a glow-in-the-dark ant farm?
Sheldon: They do some of their best work at night.

Displaying quotes 481 - 492 of 760 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Sheldon: Ugh! English pudding. Y-You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
Amy: You're going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.