Penny: Wow, you've got a lot of money in there.
Sheldon: That's why it's guarded by snakes.

Raj: If you don't like this stuff, let's just go next door and build her a bear.
Sheldon: I told you before, bears are terrifying

Sheldon: If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone, and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us.
Employee: Excuse me?
Sheldon: Here. [gives woman gift basket] Now, are we friends, colleagues, lovers? Are you my grandmother?
Employee: I don't understand what you're talking about, and you're making me a little uncomfortable.
Wolowitz: See, sounds just like you and Penny. We'll take it.

Sheldon: I need to know exactly what Leonard did to get you to put an emotional cap in his buttocks.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: Again, urban slang, in which I'm beginning to get remarkable fluency

Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?
Sheldon: I'm certain this will come as no surprise to you, but Leonard is failing in yet another relationship.
Penny: He's having problems with Stephanie?
Sheldon: She's sending virtual livestock to random men on the Internet

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and—as it always has—rock crushes scissors

I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion

I am not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended

Raj: I'll tell you what, how about we go rock-paper-scissors?
Sheldon: Eww, I don't think so. Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of rock-paper-scissors, players familiar with each other tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest "rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock"

I trusted you with my e-mail address, and you betrayed that trust by sending me Internet banality.

Penny: Wait, Sheldon. This has gotten way out of hand. Okay, I've done some stupid things; you've done some stupid things. How about we just call it even and move on with our lives?
Sheldon: I've done no stupid things.
Penny: Look, you've got to meet me half way here.
Sheldon: I am meeting you half-way. I'm willing to concede that you've done some stupid things

Leonard: Put it on the agenda.
Sheldon: You have to make a motion to put it on the agenda.
Leonard: Oh, I'll make a motion, but you're not going to like it

TBBT Quotes

Mrs. Cooper: Shelly! I'm so glad you're here!
Sheldon: I saw you having naked sex.

Penny: I give up, he's impossible
Sheldon: I can't be impossible, I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up, he's improbable."