Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXSterling Archer Quotes
Lana: He's attacked nuclear power plants, hydroelectric dams, and whaling ships.
Archer: Whaling ships? What he's got something against clean burning lamp oil?
His name's Gandalf and he's not a hippie?
Flight Attendant: Sir, can you please find your seat?
Archer: Uh yeah, it's right there. Can you go find some more hurricanes for me?
Lana: Is that a friggin' candy bar?
Archer: Yeah, but do you think you need the calories?
Malory: Why are you drinking?
Archer: It's a party.
Malory: It's a baby shower! For the bastard child you pumped into a filthy whore!
Archer: I'm obviously not saying now, but one of these days you're make the best grandmother ever.
That's disgusting. If I wanted to look at your bare feet, Woodhouse, I'd sneak in and do it while you're asleep.
Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse. Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?
Trinette: Wait a minute. You liar, this isn't a condom wrapper! It's from a friggin' candy bar.
Archer: So? Sometimes I like to treat myself.
Trinette: Well, sometimes I like ovulate.
Archer: Well, I have to sleep, so do it somewhere else.
Trinette: I'm retired.
Archer: Yeah, your 401(k) doing that well?
Trinette: I have a SEP, smart ass.
Cyril: Ever since Lana and I broke up, I take solace in food.
Archer: Well keep your chins up, all eleven of them.
What do you even do here? Sit on your ass and analyze data? Well I'm a field agent, Isaac Newton. I risk my life. So yeah, I do deserve the best space in the parking garage. Like it would kill you to roll fifty feet? The stupid thing's electric.
Archer: Why do we have so many damn dolls in here?
Pam: For sexual harassment complaints so people can non-verbally indicate where stuff happened on their bodies.
Archer: That takes like one doll.
Pam: Not if there's ever a gang rape. (fingers crossed)
