I lost an enormous last minute bet I placed on myself with a shady Las Vegas bookie.

It's a reporter from USA Today. The newspaper for people who can't read.

If I wanna win this race, I need 20 cc's of man. Stat!

Why would someone assume I'm a Friend of Ellen just because I'm manish and I have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girls' sport and I married myself?

It's not personal Porcelain, it's politics.

I'm Sue Sylvester, I have a human heart and I approve this message.

I heard. And I am literally horny with fear.

Why it isn't Porcelain's dad, who may or may not have a baboon heart?

If this nation wants to impress its future Chinese overlords, we need to get our priorities straight.

Know what has no expiration date, voters? My rage.

Will: Sue's pom-pom budget is $4,000/month.
Sue: You can't put a price on cheer, William.

I got a bee in my bonnet, and that bee's name is "government waste."

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

Blaine: Where's the bed?
Brittany: I removed it because when I imagined you two having sex I imagined a U-haul mounting a moped.