Why don't you hurry on to your next face-widening session at the John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain?

Truth is, journal, I'm attracted to men. Sure, I can't stand watching them eat or talk, but when it comes to getting sexy, this gal's got a hole in her heart that only a fella can fill.

My iPhone 5 is vibrating. That's a new feature of the iPhone 5, they vibrate now.

I lost an enormous last minute bet I placed on myself with a shady Las Vegas bookie.

It's a reporter from USA Today. The newspaper for people who can't read.

If I wanna win this race, I need 20 cc's of man. Stat!

Why would someone assume I'm a Friend of Ellen just because I'm manish and I have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girls' sport and I married myself?

It's not personal Porcelain, it's politics.

I'm Sue Sylvester, I have a human heart and I approve this message.

I heard. And I am literally horny with fear.

Why it isn't Porcelain's dad, who may or may not have a baboon heart?

If this nation wants to impress its future Chinese overlords, we need to get our priorities straight.

Glee Quotes

We met right here. I took this man's hand and we ran down that hallway. Those of you who know me know I'm not in the habit of taking the hands of people I've never met before, but I think that my soul knew something that my body and my mind didn't know yet. It knew that our hands were meant to hold each other, fearlessly and forever. Which is why it's never really felt like I've been getting to know you. It's always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if in every lifetime that you and I have ever lived we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, over and over, for all eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime because all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you. So, Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?


I'm gonna miss all of you. I love you guys.