South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralTerrance Quotes
Phillip: Why don't you go eat some more pudding, you fatass drug addict!
Terrance: I may be fat but at least I didn't get hair plugs!
(When Cartman jumps out of the fat lady's pants)
Cartman: Man, it smells down there!
Terrance: Jesus Christ, that was fast! Well what should we name it? How about Jerry?
(Stan, Kyle, and Kenny jump out of her pants as well)
Fat lady: What the hell!?!
Terrance: Oh wow! We had quadruplets!
Fat Lady: Hi Terrance! I'm such a huge fan!
Terrance: You're a huge fan alright!
Phillip: I'm looking for a mechanic. Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage?
Terrance: Sure, buddy! All you need to do is go down to the - (he farts loudly so nobody could hear what he is saying) - and that's how you get to the auto garage!
Phillip: Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage without farting?
Terrance: Sure. You go the same way except stick your finger up your ass.
Phillip: No, no, no! I mean, could you tell me the directions again without you farting?
Terrance: Ooh! Sure! Just stick your finger up my ass.
Phillip: Alright, no problem, buddy. (sticks finger up his ass) Now, tell me, how do I get to the auto garage to see a mechanic?
Terrance: You're at the auto garage. I am the mechanic.
Phillip: Why the heck didn't you tell me you were the mechanic?
Stan: (watching it on TV) Because I had an itch up my ass.
Terrance: Because I had an itch up my ass.
Terrance: You know, we've learned something today. When you've been through a lot with someone, you can't let trite things come between you.
Phillip: That's right, Terrance. You should only let trite things come between your ass cheeks. (they both fart and laugh)
Kyle: But we promised the Earth Day people you'd perform!
Terrance: Well in that case, I'd say you four boys are up fart-creek without a paddle.
Phillip: I say Terrance, it appears the body has been moved since the murder.
Terrance: I don't see anything.
Phillip: Look closer...(Aiming ass at Terrance)
Phillip: Closer...(Small fart)
Phillip only: Ahahaha!
(Terrance on ladder farts a huge fart in Phillips face knocking him into the wall)
Both: Ahahahahaha!
Terrance: I'm afraid you have cancer.
Phillip: Oh no.
Terrance: See this? This is your ass. See this line? This is your ass collapsing.
Phillip: Does this mean I won't be able to fart anymore?
Terrance: No, it means you won't be able to live anymore.
Terrance: Oh, Phillip. How will we ever find my fugitive daughter in this daunting place? We don't speak the language, we are unwelcome strangers, and we have no idea where to begin.
(They look across the street and Terrance's daughter is standing there.)
Phillip: Oh, look. There she is.
Terrance: What are you doing?
Scott: I am wishing cancer upon you.
Phillip: What?
Scott: I am giving you cancer with my mind.
Phillip: No, don't give me cancer!
Terrance: Wow! Scott really hates us, Phillip.
Phillip: Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.
(Terrance thinks)
Terrance: But we're not gay, Phillip.
Phillip: We're not?
Philip: Well, while we're waiting, why don't we search for treasure?
Terrance: Oh good idea, let's search for treasure.
