Favorite The Devil Quotes
You know, Sam, you're a lucky man. You're home during the day, all the wonderful daytime television to watch. When does Ellen come on?
You know, in a way, I'm the most trustworthy person you know. And that's just sad
Devil: Sam, if I can impart to you one piece of knowledge, just one kernel of truth that I've gleaned over the entirety of my existence, it would be this. Betrayal is the defining trait of humanity. Your friends will always let you down. The girl will always leave.
Sam: That's not true.
Devil: Yes it is. And your so-called friends have proven my point. You know, you're not angry at Leon. You're just upset because you're realizing the weakness of your species. The most untrustworthy, unreliable creatures on this Earth... Except for bears
Devil: Holidays always depress me.
Sam: Holidays? What? Halloween? I thought you'd love this time of year.
Devil: I detest it with every fiber of my being. Back when it was the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, now that... that was a holiday. Dead rising from their graves, damaging crops, causing trouble. Good times.
Sam: But now you hate it.
The Devil: It's the commercialization of evil. the one day when not a soul on Earth fears me, or even believes in me. I become a party gag. A plastic mask.
Sam: It's only one day out of the year.
Devil: Are you trying to make me feel better, Sam?
Sam: Yeah, I guess I am.
Sam: Give me the vessel.
Devil: No, no, no, no. I do not like this tone at all. What's the problem?
Sam: Ted wants to promote me to assistant manager of the plumbing department.
Devil: Promotion? Well, congratulations! Make sure you get the 401(k).
Sam: No, no, don't congratulate me. He's saying that I'm going to spend the rest of my life here at the Work Bench.
Devil: You know, I don't get you, Sammy. You don't want to work here at this place, you don't want to work for me. What exactly do you want?
Sam: Just something that doesn't suck.
Devil: Well, one of these days, maybe you'll come up with a little better plan than that, huh?
Devil: Sam, I invented therapy. Okay? So that the wicked could justify their actions.
Sam: I'm starting to be able to figure out when you're lying as well
Sam: I couldn't figure out why you kept throwing Taylor in my path. It's not because you really care about me.
Devil: Hey! Untrue.
Sam: It's because you're tempting me...again! You just want me to be more like you. But I'm not! I don't believe there's no such thing as love, and you know what? I don't believe that you believe that.
Devil: Wow. You know, celibacy really makes you insightful.
Sam: Come on. You've been around since the dawn of time. Are you telling me you've never been in love?
Devil: Well, personally, I've always found lust to be quite satisfying.
Sam: Yeah. You would
Devil: I was able to obtain some information one of her many, many, many erogenous zones. Just stroke her earlobe, and she'll do anything. Anything.
Sam: There is something really wrong with you.
Devil: What? Encouraging a young man to succumb to his primal and perfectly natural instincts. Sharing the fact that Taylor's in her experimental phase? Is that bad?
Sam: A church? Isn't this a little too close for comfort?
Devil: Nah, me and the Big Guy have an understanding. I stay out of his house, he lets me play with his toys
Devil: Love? There's no such thing. I'm talking real passion, lust.
Sam: You don't think love is real?
Devil: The French invented love so they could put a civilized face on a primal urge. Dress it up with candy and hearts and cubic zirconium. In the end it all comes down to endorphins and genitalia
Sam: Yeah, you know, I've been thinking about that. I don't think I'm the guy who should be taking on the forces of evil.
Devil: No?
Sam: I know you own my soul and all, but I think the world would be better off if I worked for you in a lesser capacity.
Devil: Such as?
Sam: Well.. I haven't come up with the full plan or anything. Maybe I could get the word out, you know, be a recruiter. I could start my own Satanic web site, with evil design and then have really cool devil graphics or something.
Devil: Business is booming, Sam, I don't need any help with recruiting
Sam: Do I have to go to Hell now?
Devil: Now? No, no, no, not now. You're gonna work for me now in the Earthly Realm.
Sam: You mean, like, kill people?
Devil: Wow. You're a real pessimist. Of course you won't be murdering anyone. You're just going to bring escaped souls back to Hell. You know, like a bounty hunter. That's cool, right?
