The Janitor Quotes
Janitor: As it happens, we're heading out right now to play some Jiggly Ball. Are you in?
J.D.'s Narration: Just say no!
J.D.: Jiggle me in.
Janitor: You're a bit of a know-it-all, aren't you.
J.D.: Well, I know a lot.
Janitor: Yeah? Who was Deep Throat?
J.D.: Mark Felt, the FBI guy. That's been all over the news for months.
Janitor: Oh, sorry, rich boy. My TV doesn't get the news. Just the Bible channel and some kind of Chinese boxing.
J.D.: Can I talk to you for a second?
Janitor: No. I'm busy cleaning... Haha... That one always kills.
Janitor: I bet you don't know how to play Jiggly Ball!
J.D.: That's because there's no such thing.
Janitor: Ha-HA! I knew you didn't know.
(Yelling at J.D., who has just fallen down a cliff on his bike, thinking that it was the finish line) I can play with signs too!
J.D.: The answer's two.
Janitor: What?
J.D.: "How many janitors does it take to change a lightbulb?" "Two."
Janitor: Okay, that doesn't make any sense. Hank's an electrician. And you are not funny.
J.D.: I'm very funny. Earlier, I made a killer "one-pump mocha" joke. Everybody laughed.
Janitor: I bet that nobody laughed, but you didn't notice that 'cause you were busy doing that cocky self-laugh thing you do when you think you're being funny.
J.D.: What is it with you and the costumes today!?
Janitor: I borrowed it from my brother. He's a stripper.
J.D.: Have you been following me around all day dressed like an intern?
Janitor: Yes. And you're a terrible teacher - I'm not prepared to operate on anyone!
J.D.: Whatever. If it wasn't funny, why did they all laugh?
Janitor: Wake up and smell the third floor urinal I haven't cleaned in four years!
Elliot: Seriously, if you tell, I will never trust you again with anything.
Dr. Kelso: Where've you been?
Carla: Nowhere!
Dr. Mickhead: What're you doing?
Carla: Nothing!
Janitor: How's Blonde Doctor?
Carla: Cheese!
Laverne: What's the dish?
Carla: I gotta go!
Turk: Hey!
Carla: No hablo Ingls!
Janitor: How do you bother someone without being around them? That is the question.
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, I'm paying you to work, not stand around acting like The Fonz.
Janitor: Perfect.
Janitor: How depressing is it being you? Would you equate it to being a life-long Cubs fan, or being born without lips?
J.D.: Born without lips.
Janitor: I know a guy. His house just burned down.
J.D.: How sad.
Janitor: Well, he was smoking in bed. He shouldn't smoke... 'cause he looks ridiculous. "I have a snake face!"
Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.: Who made it?
Janitor: Let's say my mom.
J.D.'s Narration: As a doctor, you get good at piecing things together.
Flashback
Nurse: Someone stole a case of laxatives.
Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.'s Narration: This one was obvious.
End Flashback
J.D.: No thank you.
Todd: Free pie? Hell yeah!
