NCIS
Mondays 9:00 PM on CBSFavorite Tim McGee Quotes
Tony: I've got an uneasy feeling, McGee.
McGee: Well I told you not to order Chinese from a Mexican restaurant.
McGee: Since when did banks become so evil?
Tony: Since about the 12th century.
(Ziva laughs)
Gibbs: Nice nails, Tim.
McGee: Thanks, boss. You know, Delilah said---
Gibbs: Of course! You can't say manicure without m-a-n.
McGee: Stan's a good guy. Besides, he knows that Ziva's vulnerable right now.
Tony: Aha. That's exactly what I'm talking about. You see he would use that to his advantage. Swoop right in, like a hawk going after a sweet, innocent, furry little Israeli.
McGee: The last time you did my expense report for me, you reclassified my meals as 'livestock feed'!
Tony: Well, that was childish.
McGee: I was audited!
Tony: Well, that makes us even.
Vance: Where is he?
McGee: It's haircut Tuesday, Director Vance.
Tony: Yeah, the bowl should be coming off his head just about now.
Hey, the Opera is one of the big three!
Tony: Yesterday she came back from lunch smelling like Thai food and beer.
McGee: So she stopped for takeout.
Tony: Ziva hates Thai food. And she drinks on the job as often as she gets my movie references.
(Tony, McGee and Nick enter the elevator)
McGee: You know you still owe me that fifty bucks.
Nick: Talk to my mom, bro.
(Tony introduces Nick Miller, the boy whole charged McGee's credit card illegally)
Tony: Tim McGee, meet Tim McGee.
Nick: 'Sup dude.
McGee: Hello. (Looks at Tony) I don't get it.
Tony: Well, Tim, there are two kinds of identity thieves. There's the kind you never know and there's the kind that knows you so well that they're aware you're not home from 7am to 10pm.
McGee (To Nick) You're Mrs Miller's kid right? Nick?
Ziva: Who is Mrs Miller?
Tony: It's McGee's landlady, holder of the keys. She also has a bad back.
Ziva: Oh.
McGee: It was you! You stole my identity, you sent me an inflatable girlfriend! You know I'm down almost ten grand!
Nick: Dude, it's fraud and you're only liable for like... fifty bucks.
Tony: Yeah dude.
McGee: (To Nick) Why? Why are you doing this to me?
Nick: You're always doing the same thing. Go to work, come home, go to work again. You even order the same take-out food every single night.
McGee: Not every night.
Nick: Dude, yes! You gotta start living. You're too young to act so old.
(McGee looks at Tony who starts laughing)
Tony: You're welcome.
Admiral McGee: Get me off the ship.
Gibbs: Can't.
Admiral McGee: Sure you can.
McGee: No dad, he can't. Man died here today. Until we've figured out what happened this whole crew's on lockdown.
Admiral McGee: Understandable but I have some place to be.
McGee: Been hearing that one my whole life.
Admiral McGee: Good to see you too son.
Agent Sharp: It's like herding cats, huh, Agent McGee?
McGee: I don't like it at all, Agent Sharp. I've got a dozen other retired agents. I have Branch, I've got Morrow, I've got Nedrow. I have more directors than the front row of the Oscars.
