NCIS
Mondays 9:00 PM on CBSTim McGee Quotes
McGee: Boss can you give that to someone else? I can't take it anymore. I said from the beginning that this wasn't going to work. It's a waste of time. These guys are criminals, they're not worth it.
Gibbs: McGee. Rule 51
McGee: 51? What...?
Gibbs: I wrote it down once.
Tony: Notice anything different McGee? We installed the new computer monitors.
McGee: You touched my desk?
Tony: It was their idea.
Kevin: We wanted to thank you.
Khan: No we--don't say that out loud.
McGee: No no no, this monitor should be more to the left.
Tony: Okay let's go to the van. Nobody needs to see this part of Tim McGee. C'mon IT Kevin.
McGee: Come on. Didn't even bundle all the cables.
Every moment with you from growing up to these last few days. It meant something to me. It takes a man to make a man. You've helped make me one. Before I say goodbye dad, I just want to say thank you for everything. Merry Christmas dad. I love you.
McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.
Tony: He followed me, for like two blocks. I couldn't just shut the door on him.
McGee: I thought you didn't like cats.
Tony: I don't. I gave the landlord 48 hours to find him another place to live, or his furry ass is out on the street.
Tony: You know, being in here, surrounded by one man's quest to find his friend and give him a proper burial....it's really made me think about the importance of friendship.
McGee: Wow. Thanks Tony.
Tony: Oh not you.
McGee: This is the cat you found.
Tony: Yeah. Rick Blaine. I named him after Humphrey Bogart's character in Casablanca, because of the furry tuxedo.
McGee: You named him?
Tony: Yeah. I'm going to keep him. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
McGee: She doesn't want to wear a costume.
Tony: What? Are you insane? For the love of all that is holy, probie - let's get with the program. Abby takes this holiday very seriously. You deviate from the plan, you pay the consequences. Tell her, McGee.
McGee: Halloween 2007, I told Abby I didn't want to carve a pumpkin.
Tony: He's still waiting for the other one to descend.
Bishop: What about Chris in HR?
Tony: Nah. Too judgmental. She never laughed at the emails I sent her.
McGee: That's because they were offensive.
Tony: See? Too judgmental.
Bishop: What about Erica from accounting? What went wrong there?
Tony: Cats. They were all named Mr. Darcy.
Bishop: Don't you think you're being a little picky?
Tony: Well, there's a lot of fish in the sea.
McGee: Not at the rate you've been fishing.
Tony: What can I say, McGee? Women find me alluring.
Bishop: Okay. Which costume do you like better for me and Jake? Popeye and Olive Oil or the old farming couple from American Gothic?
Tony: Neither. Bishop this is a chance for you to be whoever you want for one night. Why don't you get crazy; step out of your preppy librarian "hot for teacher" comfort zone?
Bishop: Hey.
McGee: What are your other ideas?
Bishop: I don't want to say.
Tony: Romeo and Juliet.
McGee: Cinderella and Prince Charming.
Tony: Anthony and Cleopatra
McGee: Bonnie and Clyde
Tony: How close are we?
Bishop: It's just....I did everything right. I mean, I was textbook. How can I fail?
McGee: Everybody fails. It's the Kobayashi Maru.
Abby: Gosh I just got chills.
McGee: Why is that?
Abby: You're just changing, right in front of our eyes. Your gruff manner, your clipped replies. You're no longer McGee. You're McGibbs.
McGee: What? That's....wait, what?
Bishop: It's true. Ever since Tony put you in charge, you're like...channeling him.
McGee: Stop it.
Abby: You got it. Boss.
McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.
