Favorite Tom Haverford Quotes
Tom: Ron, ask me if I'm sad.
Ron: No.
Tom: Do not miss tonight's April Ludgate birthday bash. 9 o'clock p.m. At the world famous Snakehole Lounge. The place the Pawnee Journal has called, "The sexiest, most dangerous club in town."
Leslie: That's not what they wrote.
Tom: Fine. I added the word sexiest. But, we've hired better security.
The problem is I only have 15 penises, so, there would have been 28 girls who are really upset with me.
At the risk bragging one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me smiling and taking partial credit.
How could you invite Wendy when Ron's here? He's gonna wrap her up in his mustache and take her home!
Andy: Let me explain something to you, Tweep. When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. So I thought to myself, "Don't think, Andy. Act."
Tom: So, you weren't thinking?
Andy: Not at all. I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.
Hey, Jerry? April was just double checking the lunch order. Do you want the salmon or the twout?
Leslie: How do we cut through the red tape and how do we get this pit filled in? Ideas?
Tom: We need to cut through the red tape and get the pit filled in.
Leslie: Yes, Tom. Good.
I got a night club opening to go to, which tie should I wear?
This VIP card gives you exclusive access to the investment opportunity of a lifetime. Where? Multipurpose room F. When? 3 p.m. Dress code? Black tie optional. Just like life.
Tom: What is this?
Leslie: It is a mix CD. It's full of songs about people watching people ... it's mostly Sting.
Leslie: Our tree lighting ceremony will be simulcast on Internet radio.
Tom: That's a really big deal.
Leslie: It is. Thank you.
Tom: Listening to that tree lighting's gonna be dop
